Tyrannosaurus Rex is Hungry

My very first job after high school was working in a movie theater and it was delightful.  Really, really delightful.  Sure, weekends were busy and there were asshole customers, but all that said, the position had major perks such as Free Movies!

This will show my age but my friend and I were hired the summer of 1993.  The movie theater was conducting large hiring because the original Jurassic Park movie was getting ready to open and history now shows what a huge moneymaker that movie turned out to be.  Honestly, this was the first big blockbuster..a massive breaking records kind of deal. 

With the rest of mankind, I also watched the movie when it came out and since it was free I saw it many times.  I also saw so many scenes a million times because it was my job to walk in the theater to check on the patrons and see if they were up to any inappropriate shenanigans.  One walk down one aisle with my little plastic flashlight and then back up the aisle where I would then find a seat in the back of the theater.

The thing about Jurassic Park is it is the kind of movie that, when you watch it years later, you really see the age in it and how it doesn't really stand the test of time; in this day and age when two years even makes a difference in technical effects (not to mention almost twenty).  The point I am getting to is I happened to be watching television the other day with my boys and stumbled upon across Jurassic Park on the television.  I felt it would be a wonderful, bonding experience to talk to them about my first job and how this movie started it all.  They weren't impressed but I didn't think they would be.....I was just happy to be heard.  Once I got done gabbing and reminiscing I saw the scene on the television was the one where the two children are trapped in the car while the ferocious T-Rex is staking them out.  All while this is happening the protagonist hero paleontologist played by Sam Neill and sidekick oddball mathematician played by Jeff Goldblum were in the car behind them.

Watching this part of the movie reminded me of the time I would watch it sitting in the back of the theater with my little flashlight.  The same thought happened almost twenty years later as I had twenty years prior and that thought was - Sam Neill's character was such a coward asshole!

I mean, could he have waited long enough to take action?!  He was the supposed main character hero of the movie, right?  It was a very long time of watching the terror unfold in front of him to the two children before he thought it would be a good idea to try to do something to prevent the gruesome mauling.  Open mouthed and wide eyed, it was as if Sam Neill's character was just sitting back engrossed in watching a movie himself.

The poor kids had to endure giant razor sharp teeth pushing a windshield down on them, almost drowning in mud, bleeding from the face, T-Rex using the jeep like it was crushing grapes; not to mention the ear shattering dinosaur roars.  In real life those kids (if they were to survive) would have been deaf, dumb and catatonic that no amount of therapy or alcohol could have fixed.

Forget Jeff Goldblum...he was useless.  No one would ever believe Goldblum could save anyone from anything and the director knew this.  The only purpose he served was to somehow make Sam Neill - hero paleontologist - look competent in comparison.

I'm sure you all have seen the movie and know how that scene played out:  T-Rex gets distracted, T-Rex nudges theme park jeep and kids and hero hang off the side of overpass, T-Rex bites the head off the hiding/trembling man in the bathroom outhouse.  What the hell? Why was that even there?  What purpose did that part serve?  Oh, yeah, it was a comedic relief insertion to break up the horrifying imagery that was playing out in a PG-13 movie.

Also, why were these experts (Neill, Golblum, Dern) there to certify Jurassic Park safe for the public?  In my estimation a reputable expert would not have needed to travel to the park to know that the Tyrannosaurus Rex is not safe to have around.


Pickleope said...

I am very disappointed to hear that Jurassic Park doesn't hold up. I was a youth still fully engrossed in dinosaur love when that movie came out. It hit me in my sweet spot. Years later we know that some of the dinosaurs in the movie didn't exist (triceratops, brontosaurus), and as you point out, the plot itself doesn't make sense (who would breed the dangerous dinosaurs and not the cuddly herbivores?). But damn. it is disappointing that kids don't even dig it. Oh well. Hopefully we all love the sequel that's going to come out soon (that's true) and hopefully it ties itself to a good memory of yours as the first one did lo those years ago.

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