Old Lanes Sign

Hab a ((hiccup)) furry habby dew ear!! ((hiccup))

Santa Should Use Gift Bags

Christmas is upon us!

My oldest has been wise to the whole "Santa fib thing" for a few years; my youngest is still on the fence.  In place of being totally over the whole Santa is magical thing - he has instead employed and perfectly crafted his ninja skills in figuring out all the presents he will receive.

The first order of business with him is to feel up all the gifts to figure out what is in each box:

I could remedy this by not putting some of their gifts under the tree until Christmas morning (like I did when they were toddlers) - this will not do. Being an evil and smart ass mother, I love to taunt them.  That is why I put most of the gifts out prior to Christmas morning because I gain great pleasure in watching the boys get so excited looking at the gifts under the tree. The oldest isn't as bad as the youngest. 

Again, I will explain that my youngest doesn't *necessarily* believe, but he is at the age where he still is in love with the idea; he blocks out any words his brother tells him to negate that fact. 

To keep some of the Santa magic alive in his sweet little heart, I will leave the big ones for Santa that will be under the tree on the morning of Christmas. 

I have to be craftier and more careful than in years past. When they were toddlers to preschool age, I could just write "From Santa" on each gift tag in my own writing; now I have to go to great lengths to mask my writing lest the youngest will figure me out. My excuse the first time he noticed the handwriting resemblance, "hmmm...you are right, Santa and I DO have similar handwriting. The reason is, back in my day, my school had a semester of handwriting and Santa's was one of the writings we were taught".  Luckily he asked no more questions because I had nothing else to give.

Beyond that, I also have to buy special wrapping paper for all the Santa gifts. It would be totally obvious to him if Santa's gifts were wrapped in the same paper as all the other gifts; it would be non-believable to tell him that Santa forgot to have his elves wrap his gifts.  As if Santa spent time in our home tiptoeing around to find some wrapping paper. 

My son would just yell at me that..."SANTA DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT! HE HAS MILLIONS OF HOUSES TO GO TO IN A NIGHT. YOU ARE PULLING MY LEG! MY LIFE IS RUINED! **he runs out of room in tears**."  (Huge Hyperbole, Over Reaction, Over Dramatic).

This Christmas both my boys wanted angry birds plushies - my youngest asked for a red one and my oldest asked for a yellow one. I bought cute little boxes and put the plushies in there. I was certain that neither of them could figure out what is in those boxes.

Yesterday, when I took my youngest out to Target to buy his father and brother a gift, he says he wanted to get his brother an angry bird plush. I say, "no, Santa might be getting him one". To which he replies, "that tells me you got him a plush already". I say "not necessarily". A little later he says he changed his mind and wants a large red plushie. I said, "but I thought you asked for a red bird and your brother a yellow bird?" He says "no, Mom, I asked for the yellow one and he asked for the red one". The look on my face was clear. He figured out I, in fact, already bought them the angry birds plushies and mixed them up. My poker face failed - I played it cool. This left me with a decision. He'd already inventoried every gift under the tree; if I go to those two presents and switch the name tags now he is going to know for certain those contain the angry birds.  I'm left with the only choice to make and have them open the gifts as they are and then they can switch after the fact.  I pray to the sweet baby Jesus that one will not decide to be a huge turd biscuit and decide keep the one they got.  A huge fight will ensue. 

Another thing.  While we were at Target trying to figure out what to buy his brother, he decides he wants to get a video game his brother. I tell him, again, that Santa may bring him a video game. He is fully aware that I usually get him and his brother similar presents. If one gets a video game the other will too. So, the fact that I am gift blocking his present idea tells him that he DID get the video game he wanted. That is TWO presents under the tree he has figured out. He thought he had a video game under the tree by the way it felt and sounded. He now knows I am a liar skillet.

I told him it was a DVD movie to throw him off the scent. I knew I shouldn't have been so goddamned lazy and found an undescript box to wrap it in. 

What ever happened to the days of yore - when you wanted to know what you got for Christmas you snuck around and peeked in all the known hiding places? If they were wrapped you learned to pull the tape up at one side and then carefully, peek inside.  Afterwards, you taped it back down and no one was the wiser...

Kids, nowadays, use their ninja mind skills instead of antiquated fine motor skills.

That is where asking them what they want for Christmas kind of blows up in your face; that is why it is always best to pay attention to them and what they like/dislike. Find something you know they'll love but hadn't thought to request. That is easier said than done, but I *think* I did it this year. I bought my oldest a telescope (because he says he wants to be an astronomer) and I bought the youngest a Kindle and a Kindle case (because I say I want him to read). I put the Kindle in the Kindle case and wrapped it up. He now is obsessed with that gift because it matches nothing on his Christmas list. Usually he isn't this perplexed because in Christmases past all unknown gift have usually been underwear and socks and he could easily figure those out.

Now I have a couple WWE Action figure to wrap and you all know how those things are packaged. That's why they are yet to be placed under the tree. Unless I locate two boxes to wrap them in, he will know for sure what they are. The lumpy wrapping it would be if I just wrapped it as is would be a huge tip off.  Unfortunately, the only boxes I have in my home that the toys will fit in are those super sized boxes of tampons.  Yeah...I can see how that would go.  Mommy does not want to answer menstrual cycle questions on Christmas morning.

I'm half tempted to take the WWE Action Figures out the packaging and just hide them in the tree.  My family used to hide money in our tree when I was growing up.  It was great until the time they forgot and managed to put away the tree with money still hidden in it.  Months later it is remembered and we had to drag the tree back out and hunt in it for the money.  When you are five it is a fun game; when you are fourteen it stinks - like reindeer farts.  

What I Did Today...

....this being the day my mother birthed me. 

I woke up.  Yay, success!

I checked my Facebook to see how many Happy Birthday's wall messages I had received while I slept.  I inventoried who I had yet to hear from and took note. (not really, but I know people who do that).

I got trampled on by my youngest son in my bed because he wanted to give me his gift as soon as I woke up.  He hands me the bag with a pink robe.  A mom gift indeed.  Yet, I love it.  It's soft and wonderful and pink! 

My son then goes into wake up his brother so I can get his gift.  My oldest son walks in all sleepy like and hands me an umbrella.  Another mom gift.  Yet, I love it.

Husband is half asleep beside me and tells me Happy Birthday.

The boys hand me my birthday cards.  They are not signed or placed into envelopes.  They were just given to me as is.  Like they looked when they were bought.  Yet, I love it.

I get up and put on my pink! robe.

I go to the living room and check Facebook and my phone for any birthday text messages.

My husband gets up and makes me coffee.

I open my gift from my husband.  It is a huge package.  I unwrap it and see that he got me a full length mirror.  You know, one of those ones that is oval and sits on a base and you can adjust the mirror up and down?  Yes, one of those.  He says he got it because I told him I wanted one and that I should have something to look at my outfits.  Now if he could give me great clothes to go with this mirror that would be awesome.  The mirror is kind of a mom gift.  Yet, I love it.

Hubby asks me if I turned 35.  I told him no.  He said, 36?  I get pissed for a minute.  

I work on some blog posts that I didn't plan on posting today.

I took a nap.

I watched a "First 48 hours" marathon on A&E with my husband.

I napped again.

I ate some bite size Twix candy bars and drank a sugar free Red Bull.

I went to the bathroom to pee.

I finally got dressed.  Yes, that's right.

I watched another 48 hours episode.

My oldest son and I drove to town to Target to finish up some Christmas shopping.

We spent two hours trying to find gifts and walked the store fifty times.

We loaded up our purchases in the back and got in the car.

I spent twenty minutes on my phone trying to register a Pizza Hut app so I could order dinner and pick it up.

Got pissed because the registration wouldn't work so I had to call instead. Blimey!  I thought it was law that all things go right on your birthday?

We drove to get the pizza.

We got there too early so we sat in the car and played on our phones.  He played a game and I checked my Facebook for more birthday posts and took more inventory of those who did not message me yet.  (again, not really.)

We pulled up to the carry out window and picked up the pizzas.  

We drove home.

We ate.

I checked FB and did a "like" on every one of my Happy Birthday wall messages.  Replied to a few of those who asked me questions.

Called someone who wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday.  From there she tells me to check my email.  I check my email and I have received a $50 Sephora gift certificate!  I love you, Amber!  (She knows me so well).

Drank some iced tea.

Had Hubby get me another slice of pizza and refill my ice tea cup.

Pulled up blogger and started typing up this post.

Drew the blog pictures.

Posted it!

Exact moment I was born.  Ten minutes before Christmas Eve.  My mother always said she went into labor with me while she was in church for a Christmas service.

Christmas Eve
Wrap more presents.  Do some baking from a refrigerated cookie roll (lazy).  Post another blog I have been working on for two freakin days.  I'm not at all happy with it yet.  

The sole reason this post was pushed through as a time filler. 

Plus it gave me an excuse to tell everyone it was my birthday.

And to finally confess that I do notice when some people haven't wished me a Happy Birthday and wonder what the heck they had to do today that was more important than to get on FB and wish me a Happy Birthday!

Question:  Do you have a birthday or are you an alien from another planet where you are not birthed but just are and always have been?

To be serious...the best birthday gift I have received is a healthy husband and a wonderful family.  His heart surgery was a success and his recovery is going well.  Sore, sure....but well.  That is all the present I could ever want.  Thank you everyone for the well wishes by the way.  

Chicken of the Sushsea

This might be the last post for a week or so because my dear husband is undergoing heart surgery in two days.  For the history of why he is having this surgery please go here and read.  Depending on how he does will dictate the time I will have to sit and write my blog.  If he does really well then I'll have some time.  If he does well but needs a lot of assistance then I won't have as much time.  If he doesn't do well.....well I'm not going to think about that because he is going to do AWESOME.  A doctor and a robot are involved.  Enough said.

Now on to my topic of discussion.  My husband and I had to drive up to Cleveland OH to prepare for his surgery.  One evening we decided to go to a fancy restaurant at the hotel.  He had a pork tenderloin while I ordered the sushi.  This was the second time I have had sushi.  The first time was not much of a success but I didn't want to give up after only trying it once.

Sushi. I know many people love the stuff but I just can't get myself to like it.  It isn't even the raw fish that bothers me.  Nope.  I can eat raw fish with no problem.  The part that I hate is the seaweed.  I literally have to gag the stuff down my throat.  I'm not sure why I find seaweed so insulting.  Maybe I don't care for it because, in my mind, seaweed is the toilet paper of the sea.  It's what sea creatures use to clean themselves after using the sea bathroom. 

 Bon Appetit!

Question:  What do you think of sushi (before...and now after reading this post)?

Contrary Christmas Tree

I bought a Martha Stewart Living Christmas tree today.  
It was tough work, but I managed to get her in there.  
In typical Martha style she is being quite contrary about the whole situation.

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