Waffle Iron Apocalypse

I hope everyone had a wonderful, happy, belly full of Thanksgiving; mine went well.  My side of the family visited and we ate, drank and reminisced - like every year, pretty much.  

This year, as everyone knows, the day after Thanksgiving sales started at midnight instead of the usual 4-5 a.m.  Television ads tried to get everyone into a frenzy of DOORBUSTING pandemonium.  From what I can tell from recent news coverage...it worked, famously.  




Seriously, people.  Really? 

I think it was Jerry Seinfeld who said once that if the aliens were watching us and they saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop that the aliens would assume we were the pet in that relationship. 

In a similar note, after watching that video, I am convinced the aliens are comparing that video and a video of cows being corralled and cannot find any difference between the two.  Aliens are geniuses, by the way.

Two strangers waiting for the doors to open for Black Friday:






Two strangers on Black Friday, five minutes later...



By the way, it is no coincidence that this Spazztastic lady has an alien shaped head and wearing the color of Satan.   



I haven't been shopping on Black Friday in eleven years.  I swore that was the last time ever.  What possessed me that it was a good idea to venture out with the crowds two weeks after giving birth to my second son is beyond me.  A son who was a breasfed baby, by the way.  Me, in line for two hours.  Those two hours pass and I am in an uncomfortable HELL.  Then a baby cries in the store.  If anyone is reading this and has breastfed they will know exactly why that sound is not a great idea.  Immediately I abandoned my cart by the customer service counter and power walked to the car.  I sped home on the verge of tears because of the pain.  Never again.  Plus I hate pushy people, long ass lines and insane crowds.  Yeah, like I said, I don't know what possessed me to do it.

Question:  How was your Thanksgiving?

14 comments :

Sian said...

Good god I suspect the end is nigh! And yes breast feeding + baby crying = yikes!

Lost.in.Idaho said...

I learned a black friday exploit this year: Find the hangover time.

Everyone was crazy at 10pm, midnight, 2am, 4am... by 6 people were done. I got up at 6, hit the stores at 6:30, and walk in as the stores were restocking. I picked up some sweet deals, waited a whole 2 minutes in line, and popped out.

Like a boss.

JRose said...

That woman terrifies the shit out of me.
I lol'd at "the color of satan."

I feel terribly bad that I hope something happens with her so they can never use her in their advertising again. I don't need her to die, but maybe a lesbian sex scandal, peeing in public to get her on the sex offender registry... SOMETHING.

Pickleope said...

You converse with aliens on Facebook!?! You are my idol. (And hilarious)
It's good you knew when to hit the eject button.
The freaky Target lady by-the-way, is a very weird but funny comedian, Maria Bamford. Worth checking out.

JRose said...

OMG, she was on Conan O'Brien and I wanted to stab her to death. My above statement still stands.

Erin O'Riordan said...

Well, I'm anti-stabbing deaths, but pro-lesbian sex scandal.

My Thanksgiving was great - no shopping, no madness, just lunch in a sparsely-populated restaurant. Some family time, some pie, no dishes.

Sandra said...

I suspect now, 11 years later, if you were to go to a Black Friday sale, your breasts would have the same reaction if you heard a baby cry. It's lactation memory! And it also means: get the hell out of here, there's nothing wrong with paying full price!

Ixy said...

Yeah, I don't get it. I love shopping, but that whole feeding frenzy thing sounds like a nightmare to me.

I find it particularly bizarre that it takes place right after Americans celebrate their Thanksgiving (I'm in Canada so Thanksgiving has been over for awhile for me). What do people say? Thank you God for my family, friends, health and ability to exercise rampant materialism?

TriGirl said...

I love the drawings (as usual!) I really think that video is terrifying. I feel the worst for that poor salesgirl who had to unlock the door and then run for her life!

danjor21 said...

Those insane crowds are just...insane! You won't ever find me out shopping on Black Friday!

There was a guy stabbed and beaten at a Wal-mart near where I live!

Black Friday and all the money that goes into it is the remnants of the Devil! Evil is this day! I am not a fan of it!

Flameheart said...

Haha, love it! Very funny post:)

The idea of Black Friday is a terrifying one. Really scary. It shows exactly where society is going. Wow.

Joshua said...

Classic mistake fighting over a waffle maker when all you need is a loaf of bread to make french toast.

Olivia Grace said...

This post had me laughing so hard! We don't do Black Friday anymore either, not after my mom literally got trampled over a set of bath towels!! And nothing like a set of leaky boobs to send a mama running for the hills, poor thing! Hope you have a great weekend, your blog is just lovely!

Sarah said...

I'm still laughing at your wonderful Martha tree picture and then I get to this. Oh man. WTF are those people thinking at H&M? That cheap crap is already cheap. And it's still crappy. Sooo not worth it.

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