Porterhouse Wagoner and the Banshee Baby

I am sitting here thinking about all that Kardashian divorce/give back the damn gifts - drama and the Lohan prison -will she or won't she serve more than a day?- crapola.  I don't like being this way, but the media is force feeding me these "newsworthy" nuggets and like a new girl on a porn set, I obediently listen and pay attention.

My mind wanders (of course).

I wonder what it is like to be famous? How it must feel to walk around and have people stare at you all the time. I'm sure the perks are great when you want to get into someplace exclusive and just because of who you are you are given high priority acceptance.

It's hard to wrap my head around the concept of fame. I try to imagine it for myself but just can't do it. Possibly the reason is because I don't feel comfortable being watched. I avoid social situations and can only imagine how I would feel with random strangers just walking up to me for no other reason than to just be in my presence.

I've never actually met anyone super famous. I've seen famous people from afar when I've gone to concerts and such, but that is about it. The only famous person that I've ever had an official run-in with was when I was an infant. And the stories all come from my family as I was way too young to remember any of it.

His name was Porter Wagoner and many may not even know who he was. Hell, I doubt I would know if it weren't for my mother. He was pretty famous country singer back in the day and had his own country variety show. He actually helped Dolly Parton break into the business. Her song "I'll Always Love You' was written for him.

The story goes like this - my mom had taken me and other family members out to a local steakhouse for dinner. Apparently, Porter Wagoner was in town for a concert and decided he had a hankering for a big juicy steak. He came to the restaurant ready to enjoy a good meal only to encounter an annoying infant who wouldn't stop screaming at the top of her lungs. That was me. My mom said I humiliated her in front of Porter and she could not get me to stop wailing. Why she didn't just leave I don't know but the fact that my mom was a huge country music fan could be my first indicator. Unfortunately for Porter, he couldn't enjoy his meal. Eventually the poor guy had to get up and leave to get some peace. To this day I imagine him sitting all lonely in his hotel room still wearing his rhinestone suit and pompadour hairstyle trying to eat his medium rare steak and cursing at that stupid fucking baby with her over developed lungs.

He's dead now so I'll never have the opportunity to apologize for my childish behavior and offer to buy him a new dinner.

There are plenty of Porter Wagoner videos on youtube but none do him justice as the one below.  This proves he has a sense of humor.  Just not when it comes to crying babies and steak dinners.

Borat interviews Porter Wagoner:

QUESTION:  Have you ever met anyone famous?


Megan said...

As I baby you ruined his dinner? Now that's a fabulous celebrity encounter story!

Pickleope said...

I used to work as an electricity meter reader so I've been in Oprah's house and Jeff Bridge's house, but never met them.
I have met Fabio, and that is surreal. Oh, and Glen Danzig was a super-prick to me once. But that's all.
The idea of fame is just weird and I don't really understand people who pursue it for the sake of being famous, like reality show people.

Ixy said...

Being famous seems quite dreadful - there are lots of other ways to be super rich without the unrelenting invasion of privacy.

Although if you keep putting out gems like this awesome line, you may get to find out what (blogger) fame feels like:

"...like a new girl on a porn set, I obediently listen and pay attention."


KSK said...

What a rude baby you were!!!! sheesh! ;)

The only famous encounter I had was when I was engaged to Jerk Face, and he was stationed in California. I went to Palm Springs to visit, and when I was leaving I saw Chandler Bing (I can't think of his real name right now) in the airport.. I (much like baby you) was crying, so I didn't make a big deal about it... thought it would be rude to ruin our 'good-bye moment'... and to this day, Jerk Face doesn't believe me! :)

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