Fork You Too, Beech Tree!

I started this here blog as a way to vent and entertain my friends and myself (or no one but me).  For that reason alone it should not matter to me when I lose a blog follower.  I told myself that I would post and not think too much or edit to pacify others.  I'd let things fly and see where they land and what kind of response I'd get (or not get).  As a whole it has been slow going, yet positive.  My blog has slowly grown in readership in a respectable amount of time.  I like it that way and that is all that should matter.  

But, I can't help but wonder why I may have lost a follower and investigate as to why this probably happened.  I am all about learning how this blogging world works, you see.

Here are some possible reasons I have come up with:

1. The person was sick of my constant blogging? By constant that means they don't like when someone posts once a week or more. 

"That's too many posts to read, I can't handle this person, she is way too into herself.  I have no time for her shenanigans.  I shall remove her from my feed immediately and go hang out at Pinterest to re-pin every fudging internet picture ever posted.  Including, but not limited to, repinned pictures of George Clooney that can also be found with a simple and quick Google Image search -George Clooney Hot-".
Granted, The Clooney is hot.  But the whole point of Pinterest is to share interesting pictures and pictures that inspire you.  I suppose you can be inspired by George.  Most are R-rated inspirations though.

2. I use profanity in my posts?

"Reading those dirty words are going to lodge into my brain and make me do evil things. No, I can't let that happen! I am one of those people who think when people use profanity they are not intelligent enough to not use those words.  Why can't she replace those words with cutesy words instead?  Like Shoot, Fudge & H-E-Double Hockey Sticks?  That will make her sound much smarter". 

Yes, I use profanity. I've got the smarts real good and could choose not to use profanity in my posts. However, sometimes when telling a story there is no other word that expresses when I'm feeling frustrated better than a good old "FUCK!".

3.  Perhaps my content isn't educational or interesting enough?

"This person is not holding MY interest.  None of her posts teach ME anything.  Her blog does not have any interesting pictures that I can Pinterest the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks out of".
For that I am sorry.  I'm sorry I can't show you step-by-step craft techniques which will make your frenemies resent you that much more.  You know, because they will be jealous of your outside of the box thinking when baking a carrot cake.  By the way I want to say again that it doesn't bother me at all that you stopped following me.  Seriously, no sour grapes here.  None, nada, zilch. 

"Thank you Pioneer Woman.  I'm going to pin that recipe and show that *beech tree*, Shelly, that her carrot cake pins are boring and that mine are awesome."

*Goody goody person's curse word for bitch:  "beech tree". Or so I would assume*

4.  The person deleted their Google account?

"Dear Google, 
I would like to delete my entire Google account and all attached accounts that lie therein.  You see, I am simplifying my life and getting rid of everything that doesn't make me at one with nature.  I plan to use the next year as a way to build my end of the world underground lair.  I will be one of the few who actually survive the Mayan End of the World prophecy.  Please don't try to contact me to request I stay on the Google grid.  I am moving to a location where no one would think to look for me.  No one needs to know where I am because I have no intention of sharing any of my canned goods, oxygen tanks or zombie repellant.  THEY ARE MINE!  
This is what I like to see on Pinterest.
There should me more zombie pins and more repinnings of the same zombie pins.  
More! More! More!

For some reason, losing a follower actually makes me feel sort of proud?  Like I might actually be writing something that is interesting, even if that something interesting is not interesting enough for a particular demographic. 

With all that being said...all of this post just could be one big egotistical clusterfudge on my part because the person truly could have just fallen off the face of the internet earth. It actually might not have anything to do with me.  For shame!

OR the reason could just be this:

5.  I blog about bodily functions.

Halloween Poo Costume Post

Do you think?  In my defense, it didn't seem too bad a thing to write about?  I mean, sure, poo is gross and imagining dressing yourself in poo might be tasteless and disgusting to some people; but come on, everyone poops!  Stop acting like your winky hole never does the push downs.  

If it is any consolation I didn't actually intend on dressing up as human excrement.  It was a joke.  In reality, I dressed up as this:

Zombie Librarian
"I shall use my zombie spray repellant if this beech tree even 
thinks about breaking into my apocalypse cellar to 
eat my brain and canned goods."

I wish I could tell all the grossed out people out there that they were only having a nightmare that day I posted that poo post and that, in reality, it wasn't "feces" I was talking about, but "faces".  Yes, that's right.  I did a whole post about Rod Stewart's first band.

Interesting fact.  If you put the word "feces" in the search box on Pinterest you will find that there are zero pins and zero boards honoring it. 


(P.S. Offending Pinterest lovers isn't my intention in writing this post.  If it helps I will tell you that I have a Pinterest account and I love the damn place.  I'm just not nuts with it.  I look more than I pin or repin.  I have a total of seven pin boards & eight pins on my account -  none of which have multiple repins of Pattinson or chocolate cake balls.  But I love Pinterest, I truly doo doo.  If you remove me off your feed because you are sensitive over your love of Pinterest then I'm sorry we can't be bloggy friends anymore.)

You know what my Pinterest boards say about me?
They tell people that I have absolutely nothing to contribute
to the Pinterestsphere other than that
I suffer from the wanderlust....real bad.

For good measure I might as well offend people even more and possibly lose a few more followers by posting this tasteful drawing.   

You're welcome, or I'm sorry (whichever the case may be).

Question (for blog writers):  Do you ever notice if you lose a blog follower and, if so, do you give a flying fork?


Jamie said...

Youre hilarious. I am going to start following to replace the loser. Cheers.

Jamie said...

PS- I bet I can make a better pot holder from thrifted, vintage flannel shirts and hairs from my daughters head than you.

"saw it, pinned it, did it!"

danjor21 said...

I haven't lost a follower yet, but now that you mention it, I will make it a goal of mine to offend one or more of my followers to the point of unfollowing!

By the way, there is nothing wrong with blogging about poo...everyone does it, why do they get offended by it? Do they think their shit don't stink or what?

Pickleope said...

Lost a few after blogging about the Brady Bunch. Universal appeal is impossible. I'll keep following because of bon mots like "winky hole does the push downs." Officially my new favorite euphemism, narrowly beating out "oral fart" for burps.

Anonymous said...

I used to care, but now not so much, probably because the ones that come and go are usually spam, bots, or non-conversationalists. I'm in this for the conversation, the back and forth with the readers, and if they don't want to participate, I don't care if they unfollow.

Sian said...

honestly I can't get enough of talking reading about poo.

B. McGillicutty said...

I'm following you because I also curse in my blog (probably more than you) and I'm sure that this unfortunate situation will happen one day. Honestly, is saying FUCK really that bad? I think not.


Ixy said...

OMG this made me laugh hysterically! I blog for the same reasons you described, but it still makes me feel a little sad when I lose one.

There seems to be no rhyme or reason why they go time I lost 3 people in one day after posting something like "I love my kid" or some other non-threatening topic. Meanwhile when I rant about what the FUCK is wrong with the world, they swarm like flies to poo (*snicker*).

I just keep writing for myself and enjoy the conversations I have with those who stick around. I refuse to be a follower whore either - I only follow people I actually intend on reading, so I think I lose some follow back nazis when they realize I'm not playing that game.

Tonya the Hobo Girl said...

@Jamie - Thanks for the follow and I appreciate your pot holder throw down.

@Danjor - Yes, some people think their shit smells like baby's breath.

@P - I'm happy to know that I have added another fun thing to your lexicon.

@Joshua and @Sian - Thank you for your support.

@B McGill.. - Thank you for following and agreeing that the word FUCK is a word and not the devil's nutsack.

@Ixy - TOTALLY agree!

JRose said...

"Where the H- E- Double Hockey Sticks is the comment button, damn it!" was what I was thinking before I found it up here in the top corner of the post.
I totally notice when people ditch my blarg, and get upset, but then I make up mean reasons they left that usually have to do with the subject of my last post and sexual abuse. You'd be surprised how many people have been raped by llamas.

Tonya the Hobo Girl said...

JRose - I'm so glad you found the comment button! And the llama raping story should be shared so others are aware the misfortune. In fact, there should be an awareness ribbon for all to wear. The color to be determined.

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