I Will Win Awards

Well...tomorrow is Halloween - the scariest time of the year and a great time to inflate my belly with sugar, chocolate and sticky sweets.  A time to throw out all candy corn that comes into my home. That stuff is the worst.

When I was little, I loved Halloween....LOVED it.  I suppose I still do - but when you get to be an adult with children (who also feel like they are too old to dress up) it kind of gets depressing.  The past few years I have dressed up anyway.  Damn it, I want to still have one time a year where I have an excuse to be a crazy lady.  All other times of the year I am still a crazy lady...but with no excuse.  I also want to use my imagination for once.  Last year I was a black cat.  Snooze.  The year before that I was a lady bug.  Double snooze.  This year I want something with a WOW factor.

So, I got to thinking and lots of ideas came to mind.  Here are some of them:

• A Red Bull Can
• Anthony Bourdain

• A window with curtains (I figured saran wrap and red/white gingham fabric would be involved.  Maybe an apple pie balancing on my chest.)

• A whorse   (slutty dressed horse costume)

Gah, this is hard!

Fuck it, I shout to myself!  I'll just pick something that is popular right now and just go out and buy it (since I'm lazy).  I love playing Angry Birds on my phone.  So I decided that's what I'll be.  See below:

Strategically placed bird face.  Is that my pecker?

For two days my plan was in place.  I was going to drive to Target and buy this costume for myself.  But then....

I gave up on that idea.  I got inspired to be imaginative again.  I thought to myself "I can meld the Angry Birds idea into something outstanding!"  So here's what I came up with:

A Misanthropic Turd's Thought Process:  "Humankind is the Worst!"

Jackpot!  Making this costume should be a breeze right?  The tough part would be trying to find a mini-toilet to hold the candies I plan to hand out.  Here's what I'd need to buy:

1. Brown hooded sweatshirt and sweatpants
2. Brown felt (a lighter & darker color than the clothes)
3. Brown marker
4. Brown makeup
5. Mini Toilet???
6. Toilet Paper
7. Ear of Corn 
8. Tootsie Rolls (to hand out to the trick or treaters)

These supplies shouldn't be more than $30 right?  I hope not, because I am cheap.

Now...I don't want you all to go out and steal my costume idea.  In order to prevent this I have come up with some other poo costumes for everyone.  They are very topical and fitting for 2011.  Enjoy....

This one is for all my Democrat friends.  Your friend or significant other could dress as "Herman Cain in the Ass".

Your friend can dress up like "Ushturd" or "Selena Poomez".

Your significant other could dress up as "Prince William of Smells" or your best girlfriend could dress up as "Poopa Middleturd"

This one is all kinds of YES!

And last but not least, this one is for all my Republican friends.
Your friend or significant other could dress as "Pee Party Supporter".


 Question:  Do you all have a Halloween costume this year? What is it?


HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO EVERYONE!