Three Toed Sloth Balls and Skateboarding Bulldogs



My thirteen year old has hit the teenage phase of being very grumpy and non-animated every morning before school.  Trying to engage this species of animal is really a lost cause and I should save my breath.  Honestly.



Conversation on the drive to school:


In another topic, this is the second weekend that I've attended my oldest son's marching band competition.  Last week we drove there and sat on the bleachers to watch all the bands perform.  At one point there was another school out on the field performing their routine.  At about midway through their routine, one of the color guard girls comes running up to the front of everyone twirling her flag.  Of course she is in the front with a bright ass flag so all attention is on her.  This girl was a very busty girl.  This girl appeared to not be wearing much in the bra area of her dress in terms of support.  This girl's ta-ta's come bouncing out of the gate like they are racing to some imaginary finish line.  This girl quickly breaks routine and pulls up the top of her dress.  I will give her this, she was extremely quick when doing so - but not quick enough.  By this time my husband is sitting next to me trying SO HARD not to laugh, but it was futile.  We spent another hour there at the competition and he never got his composure back.  That poor girl.  That's why I do not complain about being small chested.  That's also why I don't run.  Okay, that is a lie, I don't run because it sucks three toed sloth balls.
At any rate, the only thing that could top seeing that, was driving home and seeing a bulldog riding on a skateboard.  I didn't pull my camera out because I didn't have time.  You can google and see other videos of bulldogs riding on skateboards.  What is it about that breed that makes them love that so much?  It's hysterical to watch.  I see this dog performing this feat of balance even though his weight to height proportion really shouldn't allow it.  I come home and find Steeler had gotten in the bathroom trash can again and didn't even bother greeting us at the door.  Come on Steeler, give us something! If a bulldog can ride a skateboard, the least you could do is pretend that you were anxiously awaiting our return and not been on a trash scavenger hunt the moment we walked out the door.  You are a border collie for crying out loud, the smartest breed on Earth!  I would own a bulldog as a pet if it weren't for one thing.  When they poop I imagine it comes out like chocolate soft serve ice cream onto the floor (sorry for the gross out, no I'm not).  No clue if that is even a realistic image.  My only excuse to that thinking has to be because of "The Osbournes" reality show years ago.  I think that bulldog they had shit everywhere and it came out looking like that.  Disgusting.

My question:  Do you own a pet and, if so, what is the coolest trick they can do?


8 comments :

Vapid Vixen said...

You are absolutely right. Running DOES suck three toed sloth balls. I hate it.

E2 has a cat that will ignore you on command. Sure, she was already doing it but still. THAT'S some serious cat trickery.

Tonya the Hobo Girl said...

Maybe the cat is mentally retarded? Am I allowed to say retarded when I am using it to say something is in fact, retarded? And not to say someone who acts stupid is retarded? Ok fine. Maybe the cat is mentally challenged?

LisaK said...

Shiloh loves to swim laps in the pool and howls about 3 times a day. Now are those cool tricks? Not really but I love to watch him do both.
Poor girl! How old was she?

Tonya the Hobo Girl said...

It's hard to say Lisa. If I were to bet I'd guess 14-16? Her boobs didn't look that age though.

LisaK said...

Jimmy asked if you got a picture! I told him to shut up perv! lol I bet she is going to be really popular at school!

Pickleope said...

I have a lady-dog whose talent is to wriggle all 6 teets out of whatever cute outfit we strap on her. She could be in that marching band.
And teens in that "I'm too cool for everything faze" are the worst. Too bad we can't just take teens and sequester them in, say, North Dakota, until they grow out of it.

KSK said...

That poor girl! Hahaha! :)

I have a cat that loves to knock over glasses that are full of water. It's really a great trick. Really. :|

Joshua said...

My dog does this amazing trick where he's allergic to so much that it took a 16 page fax for the vet to send me the full report, and because he's allergic to everything, he scratches himself bald and bleeding in spots.

But he's a great dog and I love him, so we shell out the money for allergy shots and special food and meds and special shampoo and love on him all the time.

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