The Guilt Virus Rant

Not really sure how this post will work out but I don't care, I'm posting it without any worries.

I consider myself to be honest when I blog.  I over share even when it may be detrimental to how people perceive me, yet I know this and do not care.  That's why when I take time to go to other blogs I get irritated when others make it look like their life is easy and perfect.  Of course their lives aren't perfect.  Deep down I know this.  Or maybe my life is so chaotic that it is impossible for me to accept that people can juggle all the stressors in their lives with ease while I seem to fail at it endlessly.

For example, today I run across a blog where a woman is sharing her housecleaning tips and tricks.  She shares her organizational chart.  She makes it look so easy and if you just focus on each day your house will be in top notch shape....clean and disinfected and merry.  I am ready to stop what I am doing and immediately create a housecleaning chart for myself.  (Keep in mind I have attempted this chart thing ten times or more in the past and it didn't work).  I proceed anyway. Then I realize that something isn't meshing with my chart and how it compares with hers.  I figure out the code.  She doesn't work full time outside the home.  I then forgo her blog and become obsessed with finding someone out there in the blogosphere who is in the same boat as myself.  Surely there is someone out there who runs their home but also works full time outside their home.  Someone who has a family who keeps them busy on the weekends and weeknights with extracurricular activities and practices.  THAT is the person I need advice from.  I want to know if this person exists and how THEY do it.  I also want to know where the energy and motivation comes from.  That is the true question for me. 

And I want someone to share something other than they do a little here and there whenever they get time and somehow it all works out.  I guess what I want is someone to share that they attempted and it works for them for awhile but it isn't perfect and that's okay.  At the end of the day their house may be what others consider a mess most days but you know what, the family is happy and content.  I want to know that the whole family pitches in but even that fails to continue for the long haul.  I want them to admit that they fear the dreaded pop-in visit from a family member, friend or neighbor.   Maybe other people enjoy living vicariously through other people's lives that appear better than theirs.  I guess it may be a release for them just like reading a book and immersing yourself in that world for an hour or two.  I read books too and I immerse myself in those lives but mostly those lives in those books I read are far from perfect.  That's why I can't read blogs that make everything appear perfect.

I want others to admit that after years of trying to live up to others expectations and others way of saying they accomplish things that they finally realized that they needed help.  I want them to finally share that they hire a maid service at least once a week or twice a month to come in and make things a little more bearable for them.  I want them to tell me that the guilt that comes along with that goes away and that it is okay to admit to having help.  That having a full time job bringing in money for the family is not something to feel bad about.  That taking time to sit down and blog for an hour or two when they could be mopping the floors isn't something to be ashamed about.  That it is okay to admit that blogging and journaling virtually relieves stress and that just because you can't channel stress relief into housecleaning doesn't mean you are inefficient.  That not doing that doesn't mean you don't love your family.  That you love your family more than anything.  That's why they admit the truth, free the guilt virus from the bones and shine through the fact that they aren't perfect but they are perfect for their family and they to them.  

I want a camaraderie of spirit.

I also want others to tell me they can't spell fuschia correctly either even when they consider themselves at the top echolon of top spellers in America's population.  I want this.

I want to see imperfections, warts and all.  Life isn't an act for other people to enjoy.  We aren't born to be actresses at life.  We are born to experience the good, the bad, the ugly.  We are born to grow and live and learn and succeed and not succeed.  We are born to not give up or settle for second best but yet also not stress over the small stuff.  Just because someone appears to lead an efficient and happy life doesn't make it so.  They very well could be telling their truth.  Or they could be hiding the fact that while they are using all their spare time to clean their bathtubs and scrub the grout, their son could be at his friends getting high on bath salts.  Or not.  Who the fuck knows.

All I'm saying is be TRUTHFUL.  Please.  If I go to your blog and every post is pretty pictures and sunshine personified all the time, I can't with you.  That may make me a horrible person in your eyes but oh well.  I need to be able to relate.  Even if you say one thing one week and the next do a 180 turn and it goes against everything you said last week.  I don't care.  Just let it be, don't edit.  If we all had perfect coming out of our mouths and brains at all times we wouldn't need spell check, we wouldn't need copy editors, we wouldn't need a backspace gbutton. (I am NOT hitting my backspace button to go back and delete that accidental g just to show you I mean business).  The best things in life come out of free thought and deciding whether you let it be or tidy it up.  But don't, for god sakes, don't change it up so much that the end result is a universe beyond how it started out. 

The stories I appreciate are the unintended results that came from something totally unrelated.  That free will is a great thing but in life there is a large peppering of "things happen for a reason" and "it came as a clue from something greater than ourselves".  We are not the sole creator and innovator in our own lives.  At times ride the wave of your life and see where it takes you and even if it takes you under the wave and people on the beach are pointing and laughing at your flailing and sputtering up water just remember that at least your feet are wet and you did something without thinking of how you would be perceived.  They who laugh are carrying sand in their toes as a constant reminder they forgot to let the water cleanse them and now carry it around and let it sit in their car carpeting for years to come as a constant reminder.

I'm sure I'm making no sense to anyone and coming off as a crazy but that is the theme of this post, I suppose.

Now, I'm getting off here and going to clean half the bathroom and then stop and take a nap.  Then get up and have a midday lunch and possibly do a load of laundry.  Then stop and comment on some things online and then do some sort of dinner.  Then watch Sunday night television and go to bed.  Tomorrow at work I will price some maid services.  

That is all.

Alexander Fleming discovered Penicillin by chance.  He found out that certain fungi could obliterate certain bacteria if left in contact with it for a period of time.  Now if only fungi could kill viruses.  Sometimes the mold in the old dishes in my refrigerator could automatically kill the guilt virus I get for not cleaning it out quickly enough.


Vapid Vixen said...

I am sorry for portraying my life as practically perfect in every way. I will try to do better in the future. ;)

One blogger that comes to mind is

She works, is going back to school and has a family to run. She doesn't sugar coat anything by any means. You might like her?

TriGirl said...

I have to agree that it is hard to read about how wonderful everyone else is. There was an article about how facebook does that: people tend to show their best selves on there and leave out the real life stuff, so some people actually get depressed seeing how perfect everyone else is.

I don't have children and can't keep it together as much as I'd like. Some of us just don't like housework (crazy, eh??)

I read all kinds of athletic blogs about how great people are doing and i start to feel bad; then i realize they all had athletic scholarships. Me? Not so much. So i just write about my own little successes and failures. I don't really find other people like me, but i guess that is what makes me--and you--interesting!

Pickleope said...

No clue how to spell fuchsia (well, now I do thanks to spell check). Work two jobs, and clean about, oh, once a month. New species of dust mites have been discovered among my shrines of unread books.
We all blog for different reasons I guess. I come to the blogosphere to get a different perspective from other people such as yourself (and your ability to vent and keep it funny is one of the primary reasons I follow you, because it helps me to see things for what they are). I write in an attempt (perhaps futilely) to make the ha-ha's about this insane world. It's the only way I can stave off crippling depression. So, I don't look at those people who write about their life as perfect as liars. I rather look at it as their way of organizing their life or trying to help give other people ideas or to let themselves know how their lives aren't out of control.
I can see how you want to be able to relate, but I really like seeing what other people do and how they handle every day life.

A party and A HALF said...

I find having a smaller home makes cleaning easier. My place is so small I could put sponges on my hands, spin in a few circles and clean all my walls. I don't have creatures (aka children) who wander around my house so that makes cleaning easy. I feel your pain though. Sometimes I think I need a maid and I only have to clean for two people and a cat.

Little Gray Pixel said...

Hey, I'd much rather go outside on my weekends with my family instead of scrubbing the toilets. And I do just that.

We're working parents. It's a struggle to keep up with the dishes in the sink most days, let alone mopping the floors, if you know what I mean.

There is also an ever-growing pile of laundry.

So you're not alone.

I don't often write about these domestic things on my blog (although sometimes I'll mention something in passing, though, usually tongue-in-cheek) because I'd much rather document the few minutes a day we aren't working or cleaning! :D

spazgirl said...

ahhh This made me happy. I'm glad you don't clean 24-7. Most ppl in my life do I think. I'd rather take time to play with my kids and do stuff I actually enjoy. Most call me lazy for this.

Anonymous said...

I imagine such a chart will work better when my children get older. For the time being, my basement is beginning to look like an episode of "Hoarders."

Jessica Thompson said...

Be truthful. That's so true.

Crystal @ PoM said...

I feel like I've found a kindred spirit or something!

I gotta tell ya, my house is a wreck, I just went back to work, the basket of clean clothes needing to be folded is almost as big as the pile of dirty clothes needing to be washed and my to-do list is taller than me. I don't know how people do it either!

Sian said...

Great post!I WANNA BE THAT PERSON YOU FIND! but crap I'm not working. But It may hearten you to know that even though I don't work outside of the home my house is still a mess. I'm still late dropping my 3 year old at preschool and there is some serious corners of mold breeding brand new civilizations as we speak. You got me thinking about my blog (the best posts always get you thinking) I'm definitely guilty of making everything look rosy when the mess is right out of shot etc. But there are times I have bared it all like when the kids are sick (does that suck?) or when Lucas tantrums got way out of control. Interestingly those are the posts that get the most responses. Everyone can relate to honesty. Makes you feel less alone. However on the other side of it, there's a purpose behind my Rosy posts too. Those posts have stopped my negativity spiral. You know, I'm messy, I'm forgetful, I should be a better mum...etc etc etc. I find my rosey posts make me see the little things I overlook during a self beating up session. They make me put my life together all pretty like, and I think aw maybe its pretty good after all. Anyway I love your blog so maybe don't peek at my last post, it's positively bursting with sunshine and roses lol But know that during that same day, I was messy and tired and shouted at my kids more than once ;)

Debbie said...

Do this: Forget the schedule.
In the evening - look around your house. Is there anything that would seriously embarrass you if someone dropped by unexpectedly and saw it.(I'm not talking about stacks of books or a few dirty dishes - I'm talking about stuff like pee on the toilet seat, or a kids dirty underwear by the front door, or a super dusty coffee table) Look through someone else's eyes. Then do some quick pick ups or swipe downs and be done with it. Then when you are ready to tackle the normal cleaning - pass out a chore list. Delegate. Even little ones can help. I used to work full time and haul my newborn triplets to the sitter everyday with no help (hub's work schedule kept him away when I was getting ready in the morning and he wasn't there when I got home at night. It was tough. And I used this method to keep me sane. And more advice - these people paint a pretty picture but that's what it is. Just a picture. It's not reality. Hang in there!

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