SuX Factor

Please read my background historical synopsis below prior to reading this post. 

I watch Reality and Reality Competition Shows.  

Now you may continue on to the post...


I was able to watch the American premiere of "X Factor" the other night. This is what I have learned:

  • It is American Idol, only they have now allowed older people to audition. And Ryan Gleebreast has turned into a British unknown dude.

  • It is America's Got Talent but only with singers and singing acts.

  • Pepsi has spent a shitload of money in sponsoring and advertising this show.

  • The fourth judge spot is a confusing mess. They should have just kept that Cheryl Cole chick because the PCD Nicole Szoppendinger sucks. I can handle the accent that spews forth from Cheryl's mouth. In fact, it made the show a little less uninteresting (more on that later).

  • The show is extremely uninteresting.

This is the calculation if you need it put in math form to understand:

Simon Cowell coming off as less assholey 
Paula Abdul coming off as less kitten high on prescription meds and rum
Pity story montages are an even bigger box of cornflakes.  
(A Costco sized box, if you will)

Waste of time.

I'll not give up on it just yet though and will report back my findings next week.

PS. I couldn't quite get Nicole drawn like she looks so I just gave up and made her look like LaToya Jackson. 

My Question:  Do any of you watch reality television?  Or how about competition shows?  What about game shows?  I have an aversion to "The Price is Right".  If it comes on television I break out in a sweat and feel nauseous.  Looooooong story.

The Guilt Virus Rant

Not really sure how this post will work out but I don't care, I'm posting it without any worries.

I consider myself to be honest when I blog.  I over share even when it may be detrimental to how people perceive me, yet I know this and do not care.  That's why when I take time to go to other blogs I get irritated when others make it look like their life is easy and perfect.  Of course their lives aren't perfect.  Deep down I know this.  Or maybe my life is so chaotic that it is impossible for me to accept that people can juggle all the stressors in their lives with ease while I seem to fail at it endlessly.

For example, today I run across a blog where a woman is sharing her housecleaning tips and tricks.  She shares her organizational chart.  She makes it look so easy and if you just focus on each day your house will be in top notch shape....clean and disinfected and merry.  I am ready to stop what I am doing and immediately create a housecleaning chart for myself.  (Keep in mind I have attempted this chart thing ten times or more in the past and it didn't work).  I proceed anyway. Then I realize that something isn't meshing with my chart and how it compares with hers.  I figure out the code.  She doesn't work full time outside the home.  I then forgo her blog and become obsessed with finding someone out there in the blogosphere who is in the same boat as myself.  Surely there is someone out there who runs their home but also works full time outside their home.  Someone who has a family who keeps them busy on the weekends and weeknights with extracurricular activities and practices.  THAT is the person I need advice from.  I want to know if this person exists and how THEY do it.  I also want to know where the energy and motivation comes from.  That is the true question for me. 

And I want someone to share something other than they do a little here and there whenever they get time and somehow it all works out.  I guess what I want is someone to share that they attempted and it works for them for awhile but it isn't perfect and that's okay.  At the end of the day their house may be what others consider a mess most days but you know what, the family is happy and content.  I want to know that the whole family pitches in but even that fails to continue for the long haul.  I want them to admit that they fear the dreaded pop-in visit from a family member, friend or neighbor.   Maybe other people enjoy living vicariously through other people's lives that appear better than theirs.  I guess it may be a release for them just like reading a book and immersing yourself in that world for an hour or two.  I read books too and I immerse myself in those lives but mostly those lives in those books I read are far from perfect.  That's why I can't read blogs that make everything appear perfect.

I want others to admit that after years of trying to live up to others expectations and others way of saying they accomplish things that they finally realized that they needed help.  I want them to finally share that they hire a maid service at least once a week or twice a month to come in and make things a little more bearable for them.  I want them to tell me that the guilt that comes along with that goes away and that it is okay to admit to having help.  That having a full time job bringing in money for the family is not something to feel bad about.  That taking time to sit down and blog for an hour or two when they could be mopping the floors isn't something to be ashamed about.  That it is okay to admit that blogging and journaling virtually relieves stress and that just because you can't channel stress relief into housecleaning doesn't mean you are inefficient.  That not doing that doesn't mean you don't love your family.  That you love your family more than anything.  That's why they admit the truth, free the guilt virus from the bones and shine through the fact that they aren't perfect but they are perfect for their family and they to them.  

I want a camaraderie of spirit.

I also want others to tell me they can't spell fuschia correctly either even when they consider themselves at the top echolon of top spellers in America's population.  I want this.

I want to see imperfections, warts and all.  Life isn't an act for other people to enjoy.  We aren't born to be actresses at life.  We are born to experience the good, the bad, the ugly.  We are born to grow and live and learn and succeed and not succeed.  We are born to not give up or settle for second best but yet also not stress over the small stuff.  Just because someone appears to lead an efficient and happy life doesn't make it so.  They very well could be telling their truth.  Or they could be hiding the fact that while they are using all their spare time to clean their bathtubs and scrub the grout, their son could be at his friends getting high on bath salts.  Or not.  Who the fuck knows.

All I'm saying is be TRUTHFUL.  Please.  If I go to your blog and every post is pretty pictures and sunshine personified all the time, I can't with you.  That may make me a horrible person in your eyes but oh well.  I need to be able to relate.  Even if you say one thing one week and the next do a 180 turn and it goes against everything you said last week.  I don't care.  Just let it be, don't edit.  If we all had perfect coming out of our mouths and brains at all times we wouldn't need spell check, we wouldn't need copy editors, we wouldn't need a backspace gbutton. (I am NOT hitting my backspace button to go back and delete that accidental g just to show you I mean business).  The best things in life come out of free thought and deciding whether you let it be or tidy it up.  But don't, for god sakes, don't change it up so much that the end result is a universe beyond how it started out. 

The stories I appreciate are the unintended results that came from something totally unrelated.  That free will is a great thing but in life there is a large peppering of "things happen for a reason" and "it came as a clue from something greater than ourselves".  We are not the sole creator and innovator in our own lives.  At times ride the wave of your life and see where it takes you and even if it takes you under the wave and people on the beach are pointing and laughing at your flailing and sputtering up water just remember that at least your feet are wet and you did something without thinking of how you would be perceived.  They who laugh are carrying sand in their toes as a constant reminder they forgot to let the water cleanse them and now carry it around and let it sit in their car carpeting for years to come as a constant reminder.

I'm sure I'm making no sense to anyone and coming off as a crazy but that is the theme of this post, I suppose.

Now, I'm getting off here and going to clean half the bathroom and then stop and take a nap.  Then get up and have a midday lunch and possibly do a load of laundry.  Then stop and comment on some things online and then do some sort of dinner.  Then watch Sunday night television and go to bed.  Tomorrow at work I will price some maid services.  

That is all.

Alexander Fleming discovered Penicillin by chance.  He found out that certain fungi could obliterate certain bacteria if left in contact with it for a period of time.  Now if only fungi could kill viruses.  Sometimes the mold in the old dishes in my refrigerator could automatically kill the guilt virus I get for not cleaning it out quickly enough.

Three Toed Sloth Balls and Skateboarding Bulldogs

My thirteen year old has hit the teenage phase of being very grumpy and non-animated every morning before school.  Trying to engage this species of animal is really a lost cause and I should save my breath.  Honestly.

Conversation on the drive to school:

In another topic, this is the second weekend that I've attended my oldest son's marching band competition.  Last week we drove there and sat on the bleachers to watch all the bands perform.  At one point there was another school out on the field performing their routine.  At about midway through their routine, one of the color guard girls comes running up to the front of everyone twirling her flag.  Of course she is in the front with a bright ass flag so all attention is on her.  This girl was a very busty girl.  This girl appeared to not be wearing much in the bra area of her dress in terms of support.  This girl's ta-ta's come bouncing out of the gate like they are racing to some imaginary finish line.  This girl quickly breaks routine and pulls up the top of her dress.  I will give her this, she was extremely quick when doing so - but not quick enough.  By this time my husband is sitting next to me trying SO HARD not to laugh, but it was futile.  We spent another hour there at the competition and he never got his composure back.  That poor girl.  That's why I do not complain about being small chested.  That's also why I don't run.  Okay, that is a lie, I don't run because it sucks three toed sloth balls.
At any rate, the only thing that could top seeing that, was driving home and seeing a bulldog riding on a skateboard.  I didn't pull my camera out because I didn't have time.  You can google and see other videos of bulldogs riding on skateboards.  What is it about that breed that makes them love that so much?  It's hysterical to watch.  I see this dog performing this feat of balance even though his weight to height proportion really shouldn't allow it.  I come home and find Steeler had gotten in the bathroom trash can again and didn't even bother greeting us at the door.  Come on Steeler, give us something! If a bulldog can ride a skateboard, the least you could do is pretend that you were anxiously awaiting our return and not been on a trash scavenger hunt the moment we walked out the door.  You are a border collie for crying out loud, the smartest breed on Earth!  I would own a bulldog as a pet if it weren't for one thing.  When they poop I imagine it comes out like chocolate soft serve ice cream onto the floor (sorry for the gross out, no I'm not).  No clue if that is even a realistic image.  My only excuse to that thinking has to be because of "The Osbournes" reality show years ago.  I think that bulldog they had shit everywhere and it came out looking like that.  Disgusting.

My question:  Do you own a pet and, if so, what is the coolest trick they can do?


I'm currently thinking about....

Bright colors and how I love them
Speaking of bright colors and photography - on my drive to work, I noticed that there are some bright yellow wildflowers that are completely covering an entire field.  I want to take a picture of all the flowers surrounding me.  However, the field is behind someone's home and it probably belongs to them.  I would be trespassing if I tried to take some pictures like I want to.  The obligation would be for me to knock on their door and ask permission to take some pictures of their field.  Likely to never happen considering my aversion to strangers and awkward situations.

Bright Yellow Leaf in Green Grass

Frozen Red Grapes in White Wine
Thinking about getting this day over with so I can be home and have some of this...

This is where I will be tonight.  MARK.MY.WORDS

Robert Pattinson
Pretty much on my mind at least once an hour.

Love him!  Droopy drawers and all.

Water canals are beautiful.  Ear canals are gross.  Elisabetta Canalis is on Dancing with the Stars just because she had intimate relations with "The George".

San Antonio River Walk in the spring

Question:  What are you thinking about right now?

Chili for Lazy, Unoriginal Dummies

I am going to start sharing some of the things I cook.  If you are expecting some gourmet recipes you can prepare yourself for disappointment.  Most of my recipes/meals are family friendly and require little to no effort on my part.  That's not to say that sometimes I don't get fancy and serve my family something that refines their taste buds. Having said that, I get little complaints from my man and boys when I serve my meals to them.  It may be because they actually enjoy the meal or are just glad they are being fed in general.  Who knows. Suzy Homemaker, I am not.  I love my family to pieces, I work full time, I pay the bills, I grocery shop, I take care of all their needs, I give them all the love that I have and it overflows out of their bodies because of the quantity I give them.  At the end of the day that is what is important.  

Now on to the point of this post....Chili.  Chili is the one dish where people have been known to have knock down/drag out fights over the best way to make it.   Some people swear that great chili has a perfect blend of spiciness and sweetness.  Some people think if you don't cook spaghetti noodles in it that you are the anti-christ.  

When I make chili it takes me 35 minutes from preparation to finish.  The most energy I use is opening up all the cans.  The chili police have a warrant out for my arrest.  

Here is what I use: 
(hamburger not pictured)

2 cans of Diced Tomatoes
2 cans of Bush's Chili Magic
1 can of chili beans
1 can of tomato sauch
1/2 pound of ground beef
Chili Powder
Cincinnati Chili Spice

I ground the beef.  I try to buy ground beef that doesn't look wormy.  My husband doesn't pay attention when I send him to the store.  See below...

I open up all the cans and dump them in a big cooking pot.  I don't pay any mind to the nutritional information on the back.

I add the beans!   I love beans.  Beans are lovely.  
It is the food of the hobos after all.

I add the two spices - Chili Powder and Cincinnati spice.  I take the chili powder bottle and turn it over the pot of chili and shake nine times.  I shake the Cincy spice three times.  I am SO precise when I cook. :)

The end result.  I have to make two separate pots because I don't like meat in my chili.  Basically I like chili sauce, spices and beans.  Garnish with shredded cheddar cheese, sour cream (if desired) and crackers.  Spaghetti also optional.

This is what I look like when I cook.  Pretty much looks like a catastrophe yet the meal turns out pretty well, considering.

Next time on Hobo Cooking....
How to learn to find and cook one dish that you become good at making and take that everywhere you go (like pitch-ins) so that everyone leaves with the impression you are the best cook to ever exist.  When, in reality, that is pretty much the only thing you have exerted the most effort to get really good at it.  Those people ask for the recipe and you promise you'll email them and never do.  You can't risk losing that dish monopoly. 

Question:  Do you have a special way you make chili?

I Just Start Drawing - A Confused Monkey

I drew this awhile back and was holding it for a post I felt it worked best in.  I don't think it's gonna happen.  Instead I will be lazy and let my readers tell me their interpretation of this picture.

This is a stream of consciousness type thing where I start drawing and see where it leads me.  It is a nice break to do these types of drawings where I don't have to have a set plan and have pressure that I won't be able to draw my story out. 

But, based on my drawing below, I might be committed sooner than I thought. 
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(Runs and hides from straight jacket)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This one I call:
"Confused Monkey"

Click on the picture to view the larger version. 

Please tell me...
Why do you think monkey is confused?

(Note - There are no wrong answers)

This is What You Get for Commenting

I love when people comment on my blogs.  I appreciate it.  To show my love I'll start featuring my commenters by doing my best drawing interpretation of them as I see them (and I could TOTALLY have it wrong). This is my present to them.  It isn't much of a present but it took me a few minutes to draw each one, damn it, so in my mind it's a damn fine present.

I'll do a "thank you for commenting" post every once in awhile so don't worry...if you comment on my posts enough you will be featured.  If you are shy and take this as your cue to not comment anymore then I will hunt you down (no I won't) and drag you back.  Promises.

Here are two followers who graciously read and comment on my shizz quite often.  Thank you!  

Vapid Vixen over at

Go and read her blog and laugh.  You will.  I promise.
I had no idea that drawing binder clips and paper clips was so freakin difficult?!


I LOVE PICKLES!  This blog is no exception.  It makes me think there are such things as martini's garnished with pickles sitting on an antler table in a lodge somewhere.  "I want to go to there".

I threw in a bunch of random in this picture.  Pickled Cucumbers eating watermelon and drinking table wine.  That is all kinds of flavor and alternate universe cannabalism, right?

Until next time...

Prints Wheels

All first born babies are special.  They were the first babes you experienced new motherhood and all the feelings that came with it.  They also bore the brunt of the mistakes new parents make and thankfully are no worse off after having survived.  You know what I'm talking about ladies.  Thinking the baby isn't eating enough so you overfeed him.  Case in point....

He was six pounds when born.  He ballooned thanks to my obsession with feeding him all the time.  My husband argues that I didn't overfeed him.  You can't overfeed them.  When they are full they stop he says.  He says he was so chunky because he was healthy and his body really took to my breast milk.  Whatever.  I'll defer to him on this one because he isn't chunky anymore.  

My oldest is a wondrous boy, Prince Wills I have nicknamed him.  He isn't as outgoing or rambunctious as his little brother but then again what kid is?  Baby Burns is a tornado.  Nope, Prince Wills sits back and is as laid back as a kid can be.  Sensitive to others feelings and when he comes out of his shell he can really surprise me.  He is a heck of a little dancer as was proof at his big sister's wedding a few years ago.  

Everyone stopped just to watch him.  He was THAT good.  Now he won't even attempt it.  He is in that "too cool for that" phase.

Mother to a teenager, I cannot believe it.  I miss these days:

Now my days are filled with running him to marching band practice and to the orthodontist office.  No longer to the park to push him on the swings or going to feed the ducks.  Now I deal with attitude when I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do instead of the days when I could just pout and he would come give me kisses and hugs.  

Gone are the days where he doesn't mind me having him dress in a suit and hang out with his little brother.

They fight constantly now but there are times when I catch him actually not getting irritated with his little brother and he lets him actually hang out in his room and watch him on his computer.  I hear them have a conversation about the lastest WWE wrestler they enjoy watching.  Then there are the rare times he lets his little brother sleep in his bed with him because they stayed up talking and got too tired to retire separately. 

I love him.  So much. This post is sappy but I wanted to talk about him because I know I might not feature him as much in my posts because his personality is subdued and not in your face like his brothers.  But he is just as worthy of my attention and applause.  

Now, if he ever saw this posted he would die of humiliation and not speak to me for a day. Such the life when you are a mother of a newly crowned teenager.  It's just another stage of life I will miss when he is grown up and moved out.  Because no matter how parents say they won't miss the teen years I don't believe for a minute that they prefer their grown kids who they don't see every day.  Maybe I'll change my tune when he hits the mid teens.  I'll get back with you on that.

Question: Can you dance.....well (good)?

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