The Baby Burns Show

This is going to be a filler post to give me time for some blog maintenance.  I say maintenance, but really what I'll be doing is replacing all my old pictures in my old blog posts because I am a knucklehead and deleted my Blogger Picasa album and 98% of my blog pictures!   This was even AFTER I was warned NOT to do this. TRAGIC.  

I kept telling myself to not use blogger as a picture storage but I don't listen to that voice.  I ignore and charge on.  Bites me in the ass big time.  SIGH.

All my pictures are now showing a big black box with a white exclamation mark inside.  There is a bright side because, thank goodness I am anal retentive and have all my pictures saved on my laptop or my USB flash stick.  For once one of my annoying personality traits are coming to my rescue.

So, while I am spending my day fixing this shizz and getting drunk to soothe my woes, I will let my youngest son Baby Burns entertain you. (Don't click that link right now if you want to see pictures because you will see none.  Hmph).

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Here's how this post will work.  Everything in bold is my title theme and after that is my son's one liner or joke. Enjoy.

 SOOO CLOSE ON THE PRONUNCIATION

He falls on his butt:

"I think I bruised my cocksix."

SMART ASS

I tell him that he could dish it out but he couldn't take it. 

"Mom that's ridiculous, we have a dishwasher."

WELL, ISN'T THAT THE DAMN TRUTH

What is your favorite store, I ask him. 

"My favorite store is Toys FOR Us."

IT'S CALLED HISTORY, SON

I ask him what he wants to go to college and study:

"I plan to go to college and study biography. The study of a person's life."

THIS MAKES ME WONDER IF I WAS WRONG WITH THE WORD ALL THESE YEARS

We are watching Star Wars together.  He says:

"I want one those Star Wars light savers."

LEAVE IT TO HIM TO MAKE AN INSUFFERABLE AFFLICTION SOUND FUN

He overhears me talking to his father about chicken pox.  He interrupts and replies:

"I have never had the chicken pops."

THINK ABOUT THAT, TOM HANKS!

After watching "Castaway" one night, he says:

"I would have opened all the FedEx boxes if it were me. What if there were sweet tarts in one of those boxes!?"

WELL....HE IS RIGHT

I overhear him singing:

"She's a barbie girl, in a barbie world. She's fantastic. Her boobs are plastic."

 

 OVER DRAMATIC

After playing soccer he comes to the sidelines and throws his hands in the air and hollers:

"I THINK I AM HAVING HEART PALIPOTATIONS!"

  

 RELIGIOUS PUN

A conversation between us:

Him: Dad used to drive a Sheep.
Me: A Jeep.
Him: You drove a Chrysler.
Me: Yes.
Him: Jesus drove one too.
Me: What?
Him: It was called, Christler.

  

I WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND A JERRY ORBACH WALL POSTER, I JUST KNOW IT.

I walk downstairs and he is sitting there watching the televison show "Law and Order".  He says:

"Law and Order is my favorite show now.  It makes me feel really smart."

I MISS ALL THOSE WHOLESOME KNOCK KNOCK JOKES OF MY ADOLESCENCE

Son: Dad, I have a joke for you.  After I ask you a question you have to say the word "addicted".

Dad: Ok, son.

Son: Why do you like chocolate?

Dad: ADDICTED

Son: Why do you like coffee?

Dad: ADDICTED

Son: Why do you watch reality tv?

Dad: ADDICTED

Son: What kept you up last night?

Dad: ADDICTED

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!

 

HE OBLITERATES GENDER CONFUSION

While watching television one morning a commercial for a new and improved easy bake oven came on. He watches it and said that thing is SO COOL Mommy. I asked him if he wanted Santa Claus to bring him one. Both he and his brother both screamed and said NOOOOOOO way!! Those are for girls. To which Baby Burns says:

"I would like one but I want one that is for boys and has flames painted on it.  You know...to make it manlier"

 

AND FINALLY this gem came out of his mouth last week...

 

EMPATHY

He sits down and is petting our dog, Steeler and says:

"I'm sorry they cut your balls off, Steeler"