To Honk or Not to Honk, That is the Question


In general, I am not a horn honker.  It takes an extreme situation to make me honk my car horn at someone.  The last time I honked my car horn at someone, I can't even recall.  In fact, the sound it makes is foreign to me. 

Friday after work, I promised my husband and boys that I would pick up dinner for them at Chick-fil-a.  As I was pulling in to go through the drive-thru, I had to stop behind this guy in a pickup truck.  At first I thought he was stopped because the drive-thru line was wrapped around the building.  Upon further review, I realized he was actually waiting on two women who just got to their car.  The car they were waiting on happened to be near one of the entrances to the restaurant.  There was no way around him and I was stuck behind him at his mercy until he decided what the hell he was going to do.  What he was going to do was sit there and take his sweet time and wait for those two women to load both of their babies into the back seat of their car.  As a mother I know how long it takes to load a baby into a car.  Him, being a guy, he may not have any extensive knowledge of loading kids into cars, but I can't imagine he is so stupid he doesn't know how long it is going to take.  Further, I notice he has a woman sitting next to him in the pickup truck.  Even if he wasn't privy to the timeframe of loading chirruns into vehicles, I am quite certain anyone of the female variety would know of such a thing and advise their companion of this.  To make matters worse...or better yet further frustrating, is the fact that two parking spots over is an empty space!!!!!!!  He could have just drove into that spot and already be in the restaurant ordering his chicken nuggets.

Below is a crude diagram of the scene of the crime against me. 
Do you see the car of people (shown as X's) loading their babies in?  Do you see the empty parking spots two over and not far from the entrance and certainly "do-able" to walk rather than waiting until the occupied spot is open?  In addition, there is a whole other entrance he could have used and MORE empty spaces close to that one!

NO, instead he was going to wait on these ladies and their baby loading actions.  It appears the ladies are in no hurry to remove themselves from this tense situation.  Perhaps they were aware of how big of an ass he is being and decide to punish him?  However, punishing him is punishing me.  

I know that dude knows of my presence behind him, yet I have no option other than to wait.  If I were in his position I would have felt obligated to do something opposite of what he has decided to do.  I obviously have time to think about his motives.  Is he doing this to impress his lady friend and show his chivalrous side and providing her with a close spot so her precious feet do not have to walk very far?  It IS blazing hot outside so, heaven forbid, it take her five extra seconds to get into an air conditioned establishment.  FIVE EXTRA SECONDS!  

Yet, there I sat, instead of honking my horn - because I don't honk my horn in these types of situations.  Honking my horn in this situation will alert this man that I am not pleased with what he is doing and he should kindly move aside.  I imagine if I honk my horn, this man will not see the error of his ways but be affronted at my boldness and give me the finger or, worse, get out of his truck and sass me. Avoiding confrontation is what I do best.

So I sit...steaming at the ears.  An uncomfortable amount of time passes and I have had it - I. Take. Action.  No, I don't honk my horn - I put my car in reverse and pull back out the way I came in.  I make sure to rev my engine in hopes that this dude realizes there is an irate person behind him.  Me revving my engine is my "Fuck You", "I won't honk my horn at you, asshole, and tell you I want you to move.  Instead, I will rev my engine and peel out of the parking lot alerting you that a person just left because of your assinine behavior".

I get as far as the stop light and remember my family really wants Chick-fil-a for dinner, so I turn around with my car bumper between my legs and attempt this over again.  By the time I am back to the drive-thru entrance, the pickup truck man and his princess girlfriend have arrived in their coveted parking spot.  I am sure both achieved a highly pleasant orgasm as they pulled in.  With smiles on their faces they walk up to the door as I am pulling around the drive-thru.  I drive slowly in hopes either (or both) of them look over and see my bitch scowl.  That'll show them


Ordering of the dinner then happens and I can't stop thinking about the whole situation.  As I am waiting to pull up to the drive-thru window, I daydream about different scenarios I can get back at him.  I think about parking and going in and giving him a piece of my mind and scream at him, "how dare you not think of other people behind you!"  I fantasize of slashing his tires while he and his lady sit in the restaurant licking the chicken grease off their grubby fingers.  My daydream bubble bursts because Hobo Girl's conscience - Mr. Dragon - appears and lectures her that she should be ashamed of harboring such a thought.  Mr. Dragon Conscience reminds Hobo Girl of the guilt she will feel if she were to treat others property in such a deplorable manner.  Mr. Dragon then wraps up the lecture with a "Besides, it's broad daylight, are you insane?  People will see you".

Hmph.  Finally I pull out of Chick-fil-a with the food and get to the stop light to go home.  The light is red and since I am needing to make a left turn I have to wait on a green turn arrow.  The green turn arrow appears.....but the truck in front of me is not moving!! 'AHHHHHHHHH, FUCK, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!".  My tolerance already has been tested, beaten and laid out to dry.  I can't believe I am going to do this.. I HONK MY HORN! Oh that felt good!  I can't believe I was so opposed to this before?  What a cathartic feeling!  Never again will I be timid in honking my car horn at people.  From this day on I will honk my horn at the slightest grievances against me during my road travels.  People will think of me as a bitchin NYC cab driver-type when they are in the car with me. 

 *Daydream over*  Why isn't this guy moving?  I honked my horn, dammit!  Are you kidding me right now?  He heard me I know he did...is he toying with me too?  The green arrow is going to be gone and I will still be here behind him! *Panic and hate surges through my body*.

Then it hits me, maybe it's me and not him?  

Sure enough, I check and I am in the straight through lane and not the left turn lane.  The guy in front me did nothing wrong and is minding his own business waiting on a green light to cross both sides traffic to get to the other side.   Poor guy has to deal with some insane woman behind him honking her horn for no damn reason

Embarrassed, I pull over to the left which, by that time, I have missed the green turn arrow and now have to wait on the red light.  The guy is to my right (probably giving me a hate look). Staring straight ahead and never looking over, I wait on the light and pray that it hurries up.  His light, thankfully, turns green and he goes on his merry, if not weirded out, way.  

Meanwhile, I sit in my car in the left turn lane and still wait on the red light to change.  All the while thinking to myself,  "I will never honk a car horn again, under any circumstance."


QUESTION:  
Would you have honked your horn at the Chick-fil-a pickup truck dude? 

7 comments :

Gillian said...

I found your blog through Comment Love through FTLOB and can totally relate to being annoyed with bad drivers. I hardly ever honk but do when the occasion calls for it! Your illustrations are cute, too!

http://thatsg.com

Kyria @ Travel Spot said...

This is hilarious! I would have honked, OR driven around him, through the empty parking spots, swerved in front of him and went to the drive in lane. And given him a mean mug on the way by him.

I honk as soon as the light turns green if the person in front of me isn't moving. I don't think it's rude, it's just a (friendly) reminder to move it!

I love your artwork!

Pickleope said...

I would have absolutely honked. You showed great restraint if not mild passive aggressiveness by instead revving your engine as a small sign of discontent. Sometimes honking reminds people of their dubious behavior or inconsideration (which a lot of people need to be reminded of). But good on you for holding back. It stinks you unleashed your frustration at the other guy, but, it happens.
Your artwork is great, by the way.

Cherie @ Lots of Jewels' Blog said...

I honk and actually have a couple of tried and true methods! Tap the horn for a cute little beep! Hit the horn ~ not so nice but wakes 'em up! Lay on the damn horn and they get the message!!

You know how mom used to say "God gave us hands for a reason" well my logic is "God gave car horns for a reason." Go blow that thing!

TriGirl said...

This made me laugh out loud! I am just like you...hoping that my aura will somehow reach through my car and theirs and they will 'sense' the error of their ways. And yeah, if I do honk I usually discover i'm the one doing something wrong. Doh!

Love the artwork! I found you on the FTLOB twitter hop so i'm following you both there and here!

Tonya the Hobo Girl said...

Thanks everyone. I wish I could harvest my passive aggressiveness behavior into an energy form and power my home with it. I'd save lots of money. :)

Little Gray Pixel said...

I would've honked, probably three or four times. I'm emphatic like that. LOL

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