More Than One Way to Skin a Cat



During my IKEA adventure on Friday, I purchased a 6-drawer chest for my closet.  (Now when I need a pair of my lady drawers, i.e. panties, I can just go in my closet and get a pair rather than walk out into our bedroom to the other chest of drawers.  Avoiding the possibility of accidentally flashing and scarring for life one or both of my adolescent sons).

Here is what I purchased:





In my family, I am the furniture put togetherer.  My dear husband, God love him, has zero patience when assembling pre-made furniture.  If it were up to him he would dump out all the contents of the box, throw away the directions and just go at it.  Ending in a piece of furniture that wobbles, the drawers don't shut correctly and a ton of leftover screws and nails that I know were not extras provided by the company.

The responsibility of putting together this stuff falls on me because (I insist) I am meticulous and careful and anal a perfectionist.  Below, I will show you how I assembled the item with opposing instructions on how the husband would have done it.  

In the box, in our bedroom
The box is opened.  Those are my knees and they look like two Siamese twins joined at the at the hips and their mother laid them down with their butts in the air. Or maybe not.
My way: All items are removed and organized by type.


Husband's way: All items are removed and strewn about according to the way they fell out of the box.

Item Chaos

My way:  All hardware is separated according to type.  All hardware is counted and accounted for prior to assembling the product.


Husband's way:  All hardware remains in the bags until he thinks he'll need something.

Hardware Chaos

My way:  I read through every step in the instructions and understand the begin to end process prior to assembling.  (Although I disregard the tip to have another person assist when assembling.  Pshaw).


Husband's way:  
"There were instructions?  I thought it was the warranty information."


My way:  Prior to starting to assemble the first section, I get my tool ready and all the hardware I will need for that step.


Husband's way:  Takes the screwdriver and one piece of hardware and locates the pre-drilled hole and starts screwing (crafty sexual innuendo).

My way:  I put together the frame and nail in the backboard.  Before placing nails, I measure each space so I will know that I have the same amount of nails hammered into the board as the instructions indicate.


Husband's way:  He just starts nailing them in.  Some nails are closer to each other and some nails are miles apart.  In the end, the backboard is on but there are big spaces that will end up driving his wife bat shit crazy.

My way:  Once the frame is put together, I set it up and make sure everything looks right and it does not wobble.


Husband's way: He doesn't do this, he doesn't have time for this nonsense.  He continues to complete it.

My way:  I check to see what items I have left to build.  I also include one son so I can use this project as a lesson for him on how to put together items correctly so his future wife will be pleased with his furniture assembling techniques.  She will be so grateful to my foresight in teaching him this that she will take care of me when I am elderly and gladly change my adult diapers.  But I digress.


Husband's way:  He doesn't stop and look at what is left to do.  He charges on...

My way:  I assemble one drawer first and then slide it in to make sure I have assembled the roller mechanism correctly.


Husband's way:  He assembles all drawers all at once and does not check to see if he assembled them correctly.

My way:  After assembling all drawers, I put them in and make sure all drawers fit nicely.


Husband's way:  He doesn't do this until after he moves it to the closet where he will find out one or more drawers do not fit.  Then he has to take it back out of the cramped final location and back into the bedroom where he has to backtrack to figure out where his drawer assembling went wrong.

The final product in the closet.  
This is how it looked after I assembled it:


The final product in the closet as husband would have assembled it:


If you hadn't noticed, his cabinet turned out the same as mine.  Granted there might be a few nails and screws missing and the drawers might not be exactly correctly assembled but they do pull in and out just fine.

This leads to the final stats of HIM vs ME in furniture assembling.

Same end conclusion.  The difference is the time saving statistics.  

The exact time when I began building: 
12:13 PM


The exact time when I finished building: 
4:56 PM

Yes, I listen to the Glee Channel on Pandora when I do any kind of manual labor.  Don't judge me!
Total time it took me:  
Approximately 4 hours and 45 minutes.  
Other tasks I completed during that time:  I had lunch.

Husband's Begin Time:  
12:13 PM


Husband's End Time: 
1:13 PM


Total time:  1 hour (or 60 minutes).  
Other tasks he completed during the time it took me to put the same piece of furniture together:  He mowed our 2 acre lawn, he ran the weed eater and he trimmed some bushes.  He also took a shower.

Conclusion:  It took me over 3 hours longer to do the same thing he accomplished and mine is only a slightly better version.

(my son's future wife will, in fact, not be grateful to me but annoyed that her husband takes forever to do one task and is not available to do all her other "honey do" items.  To retaliate against me she will insist I be put into a nursing home and some stranger change my adult diapers.)


In the end, I guess I am the one who has the problem

3 comments :

marissa at the boot said...

this was hilarious! sounds like husband's got some good time-saving skills! i need to learn from him! i'm like you, maybe not as organized though, haha.
love your blog! i seriously can't think of anything you would need to change! keep up the good work!

The GlobeTrotting Exec said...

I love the scroll paper (?) background of your blog. It adds a unique look! And makes it very inviting, too!
A visit to Ikea is always fun and a true test of the strength of any relationship!
Well done for finishing it!

thinkellen said...

I have a dresser just like this - scored it used off of Kijiji for $100, and thus avoided the arduous task of assembling complicated Ikea products. =)

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