Ten Dangerous Things I Did As A Child And Somehow Survived

My oldest son is thirteen years old, and for this blog, I'll nickname him Prince William.  We allow PW to stay at home with his little brother, Baby Burns, for short periods of time.  But the other day when I was working, my husband had to take Baby Burns to the doctor to get his summer camp physical.  My husband suggested that Prince Wills could stay by himself while he took Burns to the doctor.  I began to panic and created scenarios of a fire burning down the house or visiting aliens coming to harm my baby.  At least when he is alone with his brother they have each other to help the other out in case of an emergency.  Like breaking an arm bone or choking on a ham bone.

Then I calmly took some deep cleansing breaths and managed to tell myself that I was really overreacting at this situation.  I reminded myself that when I was his age (and younger), I was responsible for myself and my safety and lived to tell the tale.

This leads me to the point of this post.

When I was younger I survived...

1.  Playing in a storm drain.  I just can't explain that one - it kind of speaks for itself.  Flash flooding be damned.  I was going to play in the storm drain until someone dragged me out.

2.  Trick or treating in a bad part of town. I told my mother that my friend and I were just going to trick or treat in our neighborhood.  Turns out I wanted more candy than what my neighbors could provide.  Off I went two blocks over where the hoodrats lived and begged for candy from them.  My friend had the sense to go back home and tell her mother who, in turn, called mine.  Minutes later my mother pulls up in her dark blue Monte Carlo cursing fussing at me and dragging me home.  I got spanked for that one.  And, for what?  A few measly pieces of those faux strawberry hard candies. 

3.  Twirling over a bar on the monkey bars at school.  I failed.  I landed on my face.  On the concrete.  Yes, that's right.  The school had concrete under the monkey bars and not mulch/sand/other soft material for a child to land her face on.  I knocked out one of my front teeth.  I had to be transported to the family doctor all emergency like to get twenty stitches in my chin.  I did not go back to school that day, suffice it to say.  My mom didn't sue the school district over that or anything.  They did add wood chips to the ground after that.  Bitch gets stuff done.

4.  Wrecking my best friend's grandparents moped scooter.  When I was fourteen or so years old, I vacationed with my good friend one summer.  We went with her grandparents in their RV.  They took along two mopeds with us to use.  I hit a deep patch of gravel and the moped tires did not like this.  My legs and arms suffered the wrath of the gravel and the rest of the vacation I spent trying not to reopen all my road burn scabs.

5.  Jumping in the dirty Ohio river from a swinging rope that was hanging from a tree.  I landed in knee high mud at the bottom of the river, which I'm convinced, probably had creepy critters and dead body parts lurking down there.  I don't know.

6.  Playing in the woods across the street from my houseI bored easily as a child and I took advantage of non-rainy days by playing outside.  I wouldn't be allowed outside by myself so there were times I would fib and say that I was meeting my friend to go bike riding.  On one such occasion my friend was sick and couldn't come out to play.  I decided to wander into a large section of woods alone to play where I could have gotten lost or abducted or...

7.  Found red berries and ate them.  Yes, I did this on my excursion into the woods.  I didn't see any harm in what I was doing because I spent all of my childhood chomping at honeysuckle like it was going out of style.  Nature is nature after all.

8.  Running barefoot all over the place.  I was repeatedly told to keep my shoes on when I was outside, but I was hard headed and usually managed to remove them at the first opportunity.  My mom was scared I would step on a piece of glass, a wasp or worse; a rusty nail.  One day I stepped on a wasp.  Another day I stepped on a rusty nail.  The tetanus shot I got from that made me start wearing my shoes.

9.  Hopping down stairs on one foot.  Stairs that were steep.  Stairs that were not carpeted.  Stairs that wanted to meet the palms of my hands, then my arms, and then my face. I didn't knock out any teeth this time but it was the first, of many, scrapes and bruises I would encounter. (see #4)

10.  Hiding in a folded up hideaway bed in my grandmothers attic while playing hide and seek with my cousins.  I got stuck in it and couldn't get out.  I hid there because I thought it was the perfect hiding place.  I was a competitive little shit back then and, if I had to, I would have hidden in the dirty laundry hamper with grandpa's dirty drawers just to be the victor.  Luckily one of my cousins was a master hide and seeker and found me before I suffocated to death and found dead, sandwiched in that folded up smelly bed.
    On the topic of hide and seek, I am curious if I am just the only one that this happened to.  Every time, as a child, I would play hide and seek I would invariably get the urge to pee.  It was always the first time I would hide.  I don't know if it was my bladder reacting to the excitement of it all or what.  I would be in my hiding place, holding my pee, frantically waiting on someone to find me so I could run off to the bathroom.  I was a competitive child but luckily I never held it in too long and had a hide and seek wee wee accident.  Maybe I wasn't that great a hider after all and I was found long before my spastic bladder revolted?


      Summer said...

      I love everything about this post four times over. I also ate some unknown berries. I was spanked for a very long time on that one.

      Our home was a "survival of the fittest" household. My mom was always fixing her hair in that fantastic Farrah Fawcett hairdo, and we took that time to do the most insane things ever. My brothers and I used to take my dad's gas can and set ant hills on fire. You did not misread that. WTH? If I ever smelled gas on one of my children, I would die of stroke RIGHT there on the spot, and then soundly beat everyone within a five mile radius.

      Nicole said...

      This is perfect! I think we all did some pretty dangerous stuff when we were kids, and didn't realize how dangerous it was until we look back on it now! But it's so fun to look back on all those crazy memories, and laugh!

      Stopping by from FTLOB!

      Lozzz123 said...

      Hahaha. I played in a storm drain too when I was a kid. I had a hard time explaining how my white socks had turned BROWN. Ew.

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