Hot Yoga

Bikram Yoga classes run exactly 90 minutes and consist of a set series of 26 postures and 2 breathing exercises. Bikram Yoga is ideally practiced in a room heated to 105°F (≈ 40.6°C) with a humidity of 40%, causing it to be categorized as a form of hot yoga.

Since I getting down to my target weight loss, I decided that I needed to step up my exercise routine.  My good friend talked me into going to a hot yoga class because she had never been and needed someone to go with her.

This is my story...

I arrive early to the Bikram Yoga studio to fill out all the necessary paperwork and waiver of liability (that should have told me something right there).  You should have seen me, I was dressed so cute.  My t-shirt, water bottle and hair scrunchie all matched my yoga mat (lime green).  I was ready..or so I thought.  

I walk into the hot yoga room and it felt just like a sauna.  Not only that but the lady who was instructing stuck me right under the ceiling heater vent. 

In front of me was this yoga expert dude.  He took this shit seriously, I'm telling you. He was bald, had no shirt on, and wore white speedos.  I couldn't take my eyes off him.

On every exhale, he moaned like a dying whale having sex.

Sexual, dying whale breathing.  It was quite fantastic, I must say.

Once I pulled my attention from his breathing, I noticed his gluteus-maximus.  His booty was staring back and saying hello to me.

He had back dimples like me!!

This all occurred in the first ten minutes and all the while I am trying to perform the yoga poses as well.  Unfortunately, that damn heater vent is blowing right on me.  I am dying a slow death, I'm convinced.

Ten minutes later I encountered more whale sex noises, excruciating 105 degree hot air blowing on my head, and the yoga instructor fussing out to me "Ma'am, you can do better than that!".  

I couldn't take it anymore.  I didn't make it.  

Humiliated, I run out of the room with my yoga mat, towel, water bottle and my good friend (with the bad idea).  We got the HELL out of there.  

Of the 90 minutes, I managed to last 20 of them.  

The good news is that I did learn how to breathe like a sexed up whale.  My husband is a lucky man.


TriGirl said...

Oh man. I don't think they're supposed to tell you 'you can do better'. That seems very anti-yoga. Plus having the hot air blowing directly on you would be awful.

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