Ms. Katherine Haggle, Reporting for Duty

Renting a car is fucking stressful and expensive. The baseline price + taxes + fees = giving up my kidney on the black market.

Never in my life have I ever used a travel haggle website so I was a little nervous over the uncertainty.

I want to have a decent vehicle to travel in for the five plus days of our Texas road trip but don't want to pay over $400 damn shells. If I have to pay for an economy or compact I'll cry...seriously...I'll weep like a Nicholas Sparks junkie.

I take the bull by the horns and march over to Shatner's lair.

I want a mid size SUV goddammit. The number I choose seems like a decent haggle price until I get this nice message taunting me for my choice:

Fuck!  Now I am really anxious.  I take a step back and think to myself "what should I do?  Shatner is the God of all, so surely I should listen.".

No, I will be strong.  If Shatner nixes my offer, so be it, I am no worse off than I was before.  Who cares if I only have six days to get my family a rental car.

I click SUBMIT.  Pretend you hear the music from Love Story.  That will make you understand how I am feeling during this website haggling.

Good ole Henry Mancini.

All right.  I am brave enough now to go back to Shatner-land and see if my offer was accepted.

Teeth chattering in nervousness, bladder full of pee.

FUCKIN A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My feelings cannot be put into words at this moment.  Instead, press play on the next video and you will feel my jubilation.

You can thank me later for the Alexander Skarsgaard hotness.

My price is over $180 cheaper than if I would have booked it through Orbitz or Travelocity or the Rental Car places themselves.  I wonder if my early years practicing as a travel agent prepared me for this day?

Taxes & Fees can take a direct trip to Hell's Hell.  It's ridiculous that the T&F's are as much as the base price, but, what-the-fuck-ever.  I still feel like I scored a home run, a perfect 300 game, an Oscar win at 20 years old for portraying Stephanie Zinnone from Grease 2-The Remake, a "You are so stunningly beautiful" compliment from Brad Pitt while Angelina is standing right there looking all skinny and veiny. You get the picture.

If any of you hookerfaces like to burst bubbles and want to tell me that I am naive and really the "deal" I got was not that great, then I kindly sneer in your direction and wish you bodily harm.  Keep it to yourself, please and thanks.  Saying such vitriol will only bring your early demise.

Jumping for joy.

Mucho amor a SeƱor Shatner. 



Anonymous said...

Wow, they are sure raising the prices nowadays :o

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