Random Thoughts - Germs & Tom Waits




I don't know what it is about my weekday morning commute to work, but my mind is an active playground of random thoughts.  All thoughts lead into another and take a complete u-turn only to be completely blindsided with another thought that comes from a song on the radio or someone in the next car doing something weird.


The following is one of those mornings.

Pulling out of my driveway and start driving out of my neighborhood...

I take a drink of my coffee and try to remember if I washed my hands after petting the dog this morning.

That leads me to start to daydream of cartoon immune systems battling germs and what a slobby person's immune system looks like compared to a germaphobe's.

JUST TRY TO BREAK THROUGH MY IMPENETRABLE BLITZ DEFENSE!

"TERRENCE HOWARD IS MY HERO"

A Tom Waits song comes on the radio and breaks me out of my cartoon germ vs. immune systems daydream.

I hit the highway and for the next fifteen minutes...

I think of how I really don't like Tom Waits music and how I can't admit that to any of music snob friends in fear of being crucified beyond mercy.   So I force myself to keep the song on the radio and make myself listen to the whole thing.  As if when I get through the whole song somehow my opinion of him and his music will change.   30 seconds later I can't stand it and have to turn the channel or I will scream.  At this point I would gladly listen to Amy Grant just to get Waits and his freakishly bad vocals and marathon verses out of my ear canals.  And I HATE Amy Grant music!



DARIA-ESQUE LOOKALIKE STARES AT VAPID GIRL WITH CONTEMPT
WHILST SHE SLAMS HER MUSICAL HERO.

By this time I am driving over the Kennedy Bridge heading into Kentucky...

Every time I drive over the bridge my mind always goes into a panic of the bridge cracking down the middle and my car being one of the vehicles that fall into the river below.  Point of impact would kill me I'm sure but in my hopeful little heart I think there has got to be a way that a person can survive.  What if I equipped my car with one of those devices NASCAR drivers use to protect their necks?  Sure I'd look like a complete dope to other regular drivers on the road but to hell with them - I will survive when no others would.  That NASCAR device would be a bitch to undo when my car is submerging below the water.  I'd much rather die on impact than die of drowning.  I scratch that option off my "How to Survive a Bridge Collapse" list.  Shoot. :(


Finally off the bridge and only a few miles from work...

By this time I realize that I have pretty much daydreamed the entire ride to work and that can't be safe.  That scares me enough to force me to pay attention the rest of the way and not let my mind get away from me again.  Turn right blinker on, merge to the next lane, look over my shoulder to make sure my mirrors aren't big fat liars, hands on the steering wheel at 10-6, what is this lady's problem in front of me?, "Cause I'd catch a grenade for ya, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do..", I like this song, I can't admit this to my music snob friends either.

Pulling into my parking place and turning off the car...
Well, I made it.  Shit, I spilled my coffee!!!!!!! ARRRRRGG.  Well that certainly has the ability to ruin my day.  I wonder if there is a Tom Waits song about spilled coffee inside a car? 



Nope....only beer.  Maybe he isn't so bad after all.  (I still hate Amy Grant music though and I won't budge on that one).

2 comments :

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