Artsy Fartsy Practice - Eye Sketch

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I have been meaning to get back in the mindset of sketching and learning how to do it over again (not that I was ever excellent to begin with). I bought some sketching pencils, erasers and sketch paper today. I googled a how to art site. I sketched. The girl doing the "how to" is a 10 out of a scale of 1 - 10 in talent. If I had to rate my version I'd put it in the low 7's. It looks like a sketch whereas hers looks like an actual person is looking back at you. But it was great practice on sketching and shading techniques.



Click here for the step by step tutorial and you can see the difference between my sketch and the original.



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Random Thoughts - Germs & Tom Waits




I don't know what it is about my weekday morning commute to work, but my mind is an active playground of random thoughts.  All thoughts lead into another and take a complete u-turn only to be completely blindsided with another thought that comes from a song on the radio or someone in the next car doing something weird.


The following is one of those mornings.

Pulling out of my driveway and start driving out of my neighborhood...

I take a drink of my coffee and try to remember if I washed my hands after petting the dog this morning.

That leads me to start to daydream of cartoon immune systems battling germs and what a slobby person's immune system looks like compared to a germaphobe's.

JUST TRY TO BREAK THROUGH MY IMPENETRABLE BLITZ DEFENSE!

"TERRENCE HOWARD IS MY HERO"

A Tom Waits song comes on the radio and breaks me out of my cartoon germ vs. immune systems daydream.

I hit the highway and for the next fifteen minutes...

I think of how I really don't like Tom Waits music and how I can't admit that to any of music snob friends in fear of being crucified beyond mercy.   So I force myself to keep the song on the radio and make myself listen to the whole thing.  As if when I get through the whole song somehow my opinion of him and his music will change.   30 seconds later I can't stand it and have to turn the channel or I will scream.  At this point I would gladly listen to Amy Grant just to get Waits and his freakishly bad vocals and marathon verses out of my ear canals.  And I HATE Amy Grant music!



DARIA-ESQUE LOOKALIKE STARES AT VAPID GIRL WITH CONTEMPT
WHILST SHE SLAMS HER MUSICAL HERO.

By this time I am driving over the Kennedy Bridge heading into Kentucky...

Every time I drive over the bridge my mind always goes into a panic of the bridge cracking down the middle and my car being one of the vehicles that fall into the river below.  Point of impact would kill me I'm sure but in my hopeful little heart I think there has got to be a way that a person can survive.  What if I equipped my car with one of those devices NASCAR drivers use to protect their necks?  Sure I'd look like a complete dope to other regular drivers on the road but to hell with them - I will survive when no others would.  That NASCAR device would be a bitch to undo when my car is submerging below the water.  I'd much rather die on impact than die of drowning.  I scratch that option off my "How to Survive a Bridge Collapse" list.  Shoot. :(


Finally off the bridge and only a few miles from work...

By this time I realize that I have pretty much daydreamed the entire ride to work and that can't be safe.  That scares me enough to force me to pay attention the rest of the way and not let my mind get away from me again.  Turn right blinker on, merge to the next lane, look over my shoulder to make sure my mirrors aren't big fat liars, hands on the steering wheel at 10-6, what is this lady's problem in front of me?, "Cause I'd catch a grenade for ya, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo do..", I like this song, I can't admit this to my music snob friends either.

Pulling into my parking place and turning off the car...
Well, I made it.  Shit, I spilled my coffee!!!!!!! ARRRRRGG.  Well that certainly has the ability to ruin my day.  I wonder if there is a Tom Waits song about spilled coffee inside a car? 



Nope....only beer.  Maybe he isn't so bad after all.  (I still hate Amy Grant music though and I won't budge on that one).

Fun with Photoshop - Excited Constipation




There is a new internet meme (sensation) going around that takes embarrassing or funny pictures of celebrities and photoshops that picture of them into another funny picture.  You may have seen them:


PRANCING CERA

STRUTTING LEO



I'm no celebrity, but I do have my share of funny and/or humiliating pictures.  So I'd like to introduce my very first "Fun with Photoshop" post!

The picture I'll be using today is one of me in high school.  I'm holding a globe and wearing a frosted denim skirt.  Creative and stylish much?


Globe and Frosted Jean Shirt - A Love Story



I am choosing an 80's theme to start off my Excited Constipation picture extravaganza.  Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, so let me serenade you:


Islands in the Stream by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers


Let's continue with the 80's movie scenes shall we?   

Here I am in the iconic bathroom scene from the movie, Sixteen Candles. 



I look so excited to be there, don't I?  

Hmm, I wonder what my arms are holding up?


Sam Baker's panties (or as I like to call them girl drawers) vs Ted "The Geek's" tighty whities



Next up, let's stay in the 80's, but this time move from the movies to music.
I used to have the biggest crush on Donnie Walhberg.  Danny, not so much.







Let's take it waaaaaaaaaay back...

Lifetime supply of White Zin! Score!!




I like sneaking up on people when they are showering (not really).



You know what else I love? ROLLER COASTERS!





Remember this photo of a passed out Lindsay Lohan?  Man, what I wouldn't have given to be there that night!




I can't do one of these posts without a Twilight themed picture.


He's holding Secret anti-perspirant.  He's so romantic.



OPRAH! 



I am a huge fan of Mystery Science Theater (and hobos).




P.S.  I must admit I get irritated when I see people make the same damn faces every time they pose for a picture.  There are even websites that promote these for comedic purposes (another meme sensation).  However, I really shouldn't give those people a hard time since I, too, have an addiction to using the same "excited constipation" face in many pictures.  See below. 

Woah, that is Being John Malkovich weird right there!




Finally, I'd like to wish everyone a very Happy Valentine's Day.  May you know you are loved even if you don't have a man/woman to mack on. 

Alfred Eisenstaedt's famous photograph "The Kiss".

Camouflage Sabotage


 cam·ou·flage (km-fläzh, -fläj)

NOUN:
Fabric or a garment dyed in splotches of green, brown, tan, and black so as to make the wearer indistinguishable from the surrounding environment.
ETYMOLOGY:
French, from camoufler, to disguise, alteration (influenced by camouflet, snub, smoke blown in one's face), of Italian camuffare

SOURCE 

In nature, camouflage is used by both prey and predators.  Humans have learned that we can also use our brains and opposable thumbs to create camouflage for ourselves.  Again the original intention was to hide ourselves in defense or hide ourselves to sneak up on prey while hunting.

But somewhere along the way, camouflage has snuck in as a fashion statement.  Now you can readily find camouflage shirts and pants/shorts in any department clothing store.  You can also go into any outdoor gear store and buy clothing, hats and accessories that are specifically sold for one thing but can be worn for no other reason than because the person likes it.  CASE IN POINT

Where did we go from casually wearing camouflage to buying apparel and merchandise that is camouflage and has emblems and logos of other things on them?  



What is the statement there? 
"I'm not only going to show I'm a fan of this sports team but while doing so I'll also still be protected in nature."
I can just see it now, I'm walking in the woods in a camouflage t-shirt with the picture of my favorite celebrity crush on my shirt.  While out in the woods, I notice a big bear/mouse hybrid and become instantly frightened (yet intrigued because, after all, it IS a bear/mouse hybrid). Not to fear, I have my handy camouflage shirt on - so I'm protected. He'll never see me if I stay really still!


If the bear/mouse hybrid DOES notice me there (even though I am wearing camouflage) all is not lost.  There is a chance the bear/mouse hybrid could also be TEAM EDWARD.  Then he will realize we share a camraderie and kinship of cinematic cheese.  He won't maul/chew me after all. Happily, we walk off into the woods to his bear cave/mouse hole and discuss our life stories.

END SCENE.


I mean, really....hasn't the camouflage fashion trend gone a lot too far?  Haven't people lost sight of the reason behind the need to wear camouflage?  

To wrap this up, I can't finish this post without mentioning this is Super Bowl weekend. To my dear husband, I promise I will not bitch and complain over your ugly ass Steelers hat that I absolutely loathe (just this once).  What kind of wife would I be if I didn't allow him his time?  But mark my words when that game is over, that goddamned hat is going missing.  I'll blame it on my bear/mouse hybrid friend. He's got the sticky fingers.

GO STEELERS!!

That hat has GOT to go

Grizzly Bear Picture Source (purchased)
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