Fun with Photoshop: Ghouls and goblins and girls in slutty costumes...OH MY!






When I was a young girl I dressed up as Holly Hobby and Alice in Wonderland and Strawberry Shortcake.  I suppose it is a rite of passage for girls to grow up and still dress as those characters but with a slight deviation.  That deviation being the size of the costume in comparison to the size of the person.  The little girl has grown up and the costume has shrunk down.  Cute and adorable becomes SEXAY and trashy.  There is a huge demand this time of year for those types of costumes for women.

But I think there is a whole market of Halloween costumes that are being ignored. I, for one, am not pleased with the blatant lack of availability of costumes for women characters who aren't normally thought of as SEXAY.  When will their voices be heard?! Let us all rise up and demand these women also have their place on Halloween shop shelves!

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Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz


Before that bitch Dorothy tornadoed into her atmosphere and smooshed her sister, the WW of the W was the sexiest chick in Oz.  I know you are thinking "What about Glinda? She was much sexier!" Are you kidding me?  That prude. The amount of tulle that covered her gams was outrageous.  Plus, women have been dressing like her for years.

In the movie, the WW of the W wore a black dress that covered her entire body. Every square inch was covered - it was like she was hiding a bad case of witchy psoriasis under there.

The Wicked Witch of the West character can easily be turned into a SEXAY Halloween costume.  You can still go with the black dress theme but instead you should buy a sheer black robe.  Add a splash of color by wearing a red bra and panty set underneath it and finish it off with a naughty pair of ruby slipper stilettos. Take that Dorothy!

(Evil flying monkey sold separately.)



I just showed you a great costume from a classic movie vixen.  But what about the cartoon realm?  If you go out to the stores right now and you are craving a cartoon SEXAY outfit you will have to buy a Jem & the Holograms costume.  You know who I think would be much better?...

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Tweety Bird's Granny from Looney Tunes


Come on, that lady had it going on!  For being so frail looking, she could kick Sylvester's ass if he dared to touch a feather on her sweet wittle Tweety's head. To get this look you should really go with the color yellow for obvious reasons. You can also buy a stuffed Tweety bird. Personally that isn't very SEXAY. Instead, get a Tweety Bird tattoo!  The rest of the look is completed with a grey wig and glasses.  That's it!  Now go out and show those other girls how it's done.

Tattoo can be done at any local tattoo parlor.  Look in your local yellow pages.



Another avenue is to pick a character from television.  At first thought most girls would go as a Charlie's Angel or Wonder Woman.  Where's the imagination?  I suggest.....

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Nellie Olsen from The Little House on the Prairie



Pick a strong girl who didn't take crap and knew what she wanted and BY DAMNED she was going to get it NO MATTER WHAT.  Most people called her a spoiled brat who made Laura Ingalls' life a living Hell.  If you ask me Laura was just jealous of Nellie's luxurious blonde curls.

To get this look, find a lacy little white number like the one above.  Of course the most important part of the costume would be a blonde curly wig and a HUGE white bonnet.  As an added bonus and for added flair I would recommend you go outside at some point during the Halloween party, find a hill, run down it until you tumble.  Laughs will ensue.  If you aren't brave enough then I would suggest tequila; lots of it.

Tequila can be bought at any liquor establishment.



Let's think outside the box for a minute.  Politics is huge right now what with election only a few days after Halloween.  I say you go political with your costume, but don't choose Sarah Palin.  Set yourself apart from all those unimaginative harlots.  Go with a blast from the past...

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Linda Tripp from the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal of the late 90's

I thought and thought about how to do a Linda Tripp Halloween costume.  Of course I knew a large frizzy bleachish blondish wig was a must.  But how else would people recognize who you are supposed to be?  Then it hit me; a SEXAY blue dress (semen stain optional).  I would also recommend pairing the outfit with a tape recorder handbag.




And, last but not least, my personal favorite.....
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Alice from the Brady Bunch


Allow me to share a weird story that I haven't told anyone before. Back when I was nineteen years old I worked at a movie theater at a mall.  I had to work on Halloween so a bunch of us decided to dress up.  My two friends were very creative and silly and they dressed up as The Roper's from Three's Company; they looked ridiculously good.  I really had to step up with my costume.  I thought about what I wanted to dress up as and decided to be Jan Brady from the Brady Bunch.  I went to a thrift store and bought the most hideous Pepto Bismol colored bell bottom jumpsuit.  It was truly hideous and was made out of scratchy polyester.  I also bought a long blonde wig because my hair at the time was much shorter.  I thought I looked awesome - the customers.....not so much.

Later that day one of my co-workers came running up to tell us that a celebrity was doing a book signing downstairs of the mall in a bookstore.  That celebrity was none other than Ann B. Davis (Alice from the Brady Bunch).  She was on a book tour at the time for a cookbook she had written.  I quickly ran to my boss and asked her if I could go down there to see Ann.  She said okay and I was off! A sight to behold in pink polyester flying down steps almost tripping down the steps. I would have taken the elevator but it was full of old people in wheelchairs.  As I was fleeing across the mall I received numerous side eye glances from sane people and a few catcalls of "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia".  I didn't have time to acknowledge their faux pas because I had to hurry to see Ann!  Finally, I arrived at Waldenbooks and.......

SHE WAS GONE!!!  :(  :(  :(  

I missed her by mere minutes.  Can you imagine how better this story would be had she seen me in my Jan Brady outfit?!  Can you imagine if I could have gotten a picture with her!?  Alas, it wasn't meant to be.  Somewhere though there is a picture floating around of me working in the concession stand in my Jan Brady costume.  If only it could have been Ann's popcorn I served.


1 comments :

Anonymous said...

Awesome, that’s exactly what I was scanning for! You just spared me alot of searching around

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